Hate is a strong word
by Attachedtourhip
Summary: Arriving at a new high school jaded and lost and perfectly content that way. Whom or what can change that?
1. Born Again

**Hate is A Strong Word**

**Chapter One**

Trudging up to the school I take notice of this dilapidated building unrightfully named King High which I'm sure back in its day was more worthy of the title. It will be my jail until I manage to graduate this following May, a whole whopping six months from now. I was expelled from my last school in Ohio for incidents out of my control...for the most part.

It's because of me that my family picked up and moved thousands of miles to the heart of L.A. it's a terrible location choice but I assume they are hoping I'll get intimidated by the crazy teenagers here and leave my evil ways behind. Teachers have often accused me of being lazy and not caring about my studies but they cannot deny the fact that I've passed every single test and daily assignment they have given me. Natural smarts is what my father calls it.

My mother is determined that I have lost the straight path to God and need prayer groups to have a chance of saving my soul. My dad on the other hand is his normal social worker self and thinks I just need tender loving care and family bonding time. Oh how wrong they both are. My brother Clay loves me no matter what and Glen is terrified of me which he has every right to be.

I shake my head at the unlawful sight in front of me, all of the morons scampering around like chickens without heads. Admissions will want to be notified of my presence so for the first time in about five minutes I start walking. I pick my feet up slowly and just enough that my converses don't drag the ground. I walk past drinking in the vibes of the student body letting their stares and gaping faces bounce of my taut skin. Right about now they are sizing me up, every inch of me, from my naturally blonde hair now tainted by black and red streaks to the amount of eyeliner I have around my piercing blue eyes, even to my choice in fashion; black with a hint of black. Two seconds later they will decide I'm a person one should steer clear of or a fake they will later attempt to break with petty comments. Alas aware of every single one of their thoughts I keep walking with confidence as a smirk pulls at the corners of my soft lips.


	2. And Scene

Chapter Two

Fresh meat. I watch her as she walks slowly across the quad. A strange smirk flirts with her lips and I wonder to myself what she could possibly be thinking of. It's always hard starting halfway through a school year. People judge and are quick to hate. I was in her shoes, although mine were white, three years ago and I can speak from personal experience that breaking into L.A. schools and not being trampled, is hard.

I find myself comparing her to me. Face value of course. Naturally, I have long curly dark brown hair but as of about three weeks ago I chopped it off. It now sits above my shoulders, still a dark brown, but choppy and razor cut. I straighten it each morning and from there it goes whichever way it wishes. Oh and don't forget the bangs that hang across my right eye giving me an air of mystery. I have taut tan skin and wear only a little black eyeliner, which I apply so it accentuates my caramel brown eyes. I have a natural beauty and I'm very much aware of it. Today I'm in my normal skin tight jeans with a hole in my knee and various other random places and a skin tight black and white striped shirt. The white in my shirt matches my white leather converses. Fitting into a typical stereotype, that high schools form, I would be known as a scenester. I won't claim that title but I will stick to the fact that I'm straight edge. I don't smoke. I don't drink. I don't have sex.

Finally I blink my eyes away from her just as she walks into Admissions. I hear the first bell ring and stand from my table in the quad beginning to walk to my first class. Passing by a group of jocks I hear a brief tad bit of their conversation, their plans of embarrassing Aiden. I admit he is a little nerdy and has no fashion sense; it's as if his mother still dresses him, which she probably does. He has coke bottle glasses that magnify his eyes to ungodly proportions but he is so sweet, not forgetting to mention smart. I shake my head at the immaturity of my peers and the lack of consideration for other people's feelings. I glance at my shoes watching myself as I walk. Out of my peripheral visions I see the shadowy mass that is the jocks approaching the tall lanky Aiden. I look up, intervening in my mind, as they push Aiden over balancing him quickly laughing as he falls to the ground and his belongings spill everywhere. I rush forward, my bangs swishing to the side, and help him up. In rare moments as such I become overwhelmed with emotion; in this case I pushed one of the jocks. Not one of my brightest ideas to date. He shoved back. I fell to the ground joining the rest of Aiden's things, but I shot back up like a bullet out of gun. I was in the guys face yelling a few obscenities not really paying any attention to the words flowing out of my mouth. My reward for my moment of bravery or great stupidity was a slap to the face. I managed to stay standing not giving him another addition to his ego and by the time he realized what he had done he was being dragged away by an administrator.

For the next five minutes I found myself sitting outside the nurse's station, located in the admissions office, holding an ice pack to my left cheek. The old raggedy nurse placed a butterfly strip on my upper cheek apparently he hit me hard enough to make me bleed but I hadn't realized. I heard a door open and looked up from my less than interesting shoes towards the noise. It was her. I watched her pass me on her way out the door and if I'm not mistaken she gave me a once over, however, it was followed by the smallest fraction of emotion as the handprint bruise on my face registered with her. We hadn't met yet but this was a less than graceful first encounter. First impressions die hard. Way to go me.


	3. Face Down

Chapter Three

I don't quite know how long she had been sitting there or even what happened to her but that black and blue spread quickly across her tan skin. It was the handprint left by an egomaniacal jock, I think I overheard that, but none-the-less it infuriated me. More so because of the fact that 'he' felt he had the right to hit a girl not necessarily because it was 'her'. I don't even know her, just another person to quickly judge me, so why should I care? I don't know but for some reason I found myself caring. God L.A. is getting to me already. By the time I had left Admissions I was formulating a plan. Why? Because of my evil little ways, or that's what I convinced myself.

Standing in the empty quad everything felt different. I couldn't place my finger on it but it wasn't peace more like emptiness. I glanced down at my schedule, great...Lit. I wander these unknown hallways in search of my literature class. Passing by numerous math classes and the occasional history class that seemed out of place, I was ready to give up and just go home but as my luck would have it I turned one last corner trying to find my way out and ran, literally, into her.

Her small, beaten and bruised, frame tumbled backwards but she managed to catch herself with grace. "Sorry" she told me meekly.

Concern outlined my features for the smallest of seconds. Then I realized I'm going about this the wrong way. "Watch where you're walking stick." I spat out.

She looked taken aback. As if she didn't perceive me this way. "Sorry. I'll be sure to watch where I fall next time." She spoke softly then passed by me, undoubtedly heading towards her own class.

I reevaluated my actions. I hurt her. But why I cared was the question. I don't know her. Just another face in this prison, she's nothing to me, nothing special. We are just sharing jail sentences.

This I feel is going to be a mildly difficult year. Not the classes just dealing with the people. I eventually turned around figuring I might be able to find my way out. Walking past the doors I glanced, habitually now, at the numbers and by the time I realized one of them was my class I once again had to turn around. I open the door and trudge on in, not caring if the teacher actually happened to be, you know, teaching. With this big air of confidence that I exuded I attracted plenty of glares and shocked expressions.

Snapping her head up quickly the teacher glared at my more than rude intrusion. "Yes?" she said with an accent that lined her speech.

I've always found it amusing when a foreigner whose first language is not English teaches American students English. However, it would not surprise me in the slightest if they in fact knew English better than we do.

I visibly rolled my blue eyes hoping she would say something, strike me with witty banter instead of feigning dumb. "You're my new prison guard." I said thrusting my schedule at her as an evil grin crossed my lips. "But I believe here you're known as a teacher." The gears in her head stopped churning as what I said finally turned a light bulb on in her head. Idiot. She placed the glasses that were hanging around her neck on her face glancing at my schedule trying to make sure she was indeed stuck with me. She sighed then handed it back being careful that she was only in my reaching range for the shortest amount of time possible. As if I had a disease. "Find a seat Miss Carlin."

I turned towards the students, fellow cell mates for these ninety minutes, for the first time since I intruded on their learning. I surveyed the room looking for an empty desk worthy of my ass sitting in it. There were a few but picking the right one is vital. My choices were slim, smaller than a three year anorexic chick. I could sit behind this ugly obese fat lard or a tall pocket protector wearing nerd or her, the girl I ran into earlier. Now one also has to take in consideration the location of the said desk. Fatting was sitting upfront on the left while nerd boy was sitting in the center of everything no matter what side you looked at it from. She was placed at the back right corner second to last chair. I had made my decisions and began walking to the destination. I approached closer and when I was in her ear shot only I spoke. "Hey punching bag, hope you don't mind me I just didn't want to sit behind fatty or nerd boy and besides you're a better sight for my eyes than them combined even after a personal trainer and surgery."


	4. Mute

Chapter Four

She's walking towards me and I watch her intently. The world around us melts away and for a heart beat it's just me and her then she speaks. Horrid things. I have concluded everything would be better between us if she was a mute. I obviously had an amusing look on my face because she giggled immensely as she sat down and situated herself comfortably.

I shift in my seat so she can see that I'm completely serious. "I'll have you know Madison is a sweet heart and Aiden is the smartest boy in our graduating class, probably even the entire school." I waited a polite moment and when it became clear I wasn't going to get a reply besides the one visible on her face I turned back around.

Mrs. McTeer droned on about all the hidden symbols that they should have deciphered out of the chapters they read the previous night. I was listening haphazardly as she went over everything I already knew. I had read this book last year in AP but my laziness this year has come to bite me in the ass for now I'm reading it again.

My thought pattern changed as I felt a tap on my shoulder. Instinct would have me turn around but I ignored the gesture to happily stay lost in thought. Another tap and I was for sure the blonde wanted something but I refused to give in. I was not about to give her more enjoyment of saying harsh words. She's not how I expected her to be. From a view she looks over confident for the sake of first impressions at a new school but I never perceived her to be so rude.

In the blink of an eye a note was in front of me, folded neatly almost compulsively, waiting to be read. Going against every nerve in my body I opened the note to read one simple word scribbled neatly on the paper; "Lunch?" In between deciding if I should reply or leave her hanging the bell rang to dismiss us. I took it as a sign and stuffed the note in my pocket and began collecting my things.

As I shifted to stand I found myself blocked in. She had one hand on my desk and the other on the back of my seat. Her close proximity unnerved me but at the same time my pulse quickened.

I looked up into her eyes sharing a few blinks with her before I spoke. "Yes?"

Her confident glare faltered and it seemed for once her words escaped her. "Lunch." The simple word seemed to be forced from her throat as if it wasn't what she really wanted to say.

"What about it?" I asked impatiently.

She cleared her throat in a nervous fashion. "Eat with me."

It was more of a demand or maybe just a weak statement but I weighed my options. Willingly eat lunch with her once of have her stalk me and end up eating with her anyways. "Ok" I said agreeing a little too quick for my liking.

She looked stunned that I actually agreed. She still hadn't moved so I made to stand hoping she'd catch my drift and get out of my way. Things did not quite go as planned because when I stood, somehow, our lips grazed. Shivers shot down my spine like a silver bullet out of a gun and she stumbled backwards into a desk. She regained her composure quickly and trudged to the door calling over her shoulder, "Lunch, twig, don't forget." then she was gone.

Note to self: Stop being so nice. She wasn't particularly bigger than me just a few inches taller at best but I didn't see that as a justified reason to call me 'twig'. Is that considered a kiss? I mean it wasn't really. Any normal girl probably would have freaked by the time they realized what happened but I've already covered the "I'm gay" conversation with myself. I noticed Mrs. McTeer had been standing, obviously talking to me, so I apologized and left for my next class.


	5. Relapsing

Chapter Five

Well that went well. You completely choked. Why? What is so special about this girl? She's a brunette and perfectly hot and just my type but no one; I repeat no one gets me so off track.

I found myself walking aimlessly down the hall with absolutely no clue as to where I was going or where I was supposed to be. A familiar face passed by me, which is odd since I don't know anyone other than my brothers and her, Ashley to be exact. It was male so I couldn't have been flirting with him. He had some distinguishable hairs on his chin but not many. For the life of me I just couldn't place him. I trudged on, after deciding he clearly was not important enough or I would have remembered him.

I paused in the hallway ramming my hands into all my pockets until I found what I needed. I pulled a crumpled blue sheet of paper with my classes on it. Civics. A class I have no interest in and had already taken. Might as well know all the work around to the rules you break. I began walking again until I realized the numbers on the H wing, no clues how I got there, were inclining and I was walking the wrong way. I turned around, seems it has become a habit of mine.

I was tardy again but I had a justifiable reason. It's not my fuckin' fault this school is huge. I walked in quiet, for me anyways, surveyed the class to see if Ashley was here and she wasn't. The teacher acknowledged my presence and quickly shoved a book into my hands and then ushered me to an empty desk. My mood had dropped a notch as Mr. Jack conversed with the know-it-all of the class, something about the Electoral College, I just merely sighed in response.

Slouching in my desk I stared out the window to my right. I was replaying the events from today through my mind like a slide show in front of my eyes. Next thing I know the teacher is all up in my personal space and actually touching me.

"What!" I asked rather loudly trying to back up into my desk further from him so I would be out of his reach.

"Miss, the bell rang about 5 minutes ago"

"Just don't touch me. OK. Just…Just… don't" I stood up rather quickly my breathing was a little too fast. I was freaking out. I left his class thankful that it was lunch.

Way to go Spence, show the entire school that you are weak. I found myself in the quad watching as the people scurried around me. I wanted to run but I promised my parents I would stay for the entire day, not that I really cared about the promise, just a certain brunette.

A table presented itself and I sat down rigid as a board. I tried to shake the feeling of him touching me. I know it wasn't anything to freak over it just brought old memories back. My eyes were glazed and I was gently rocking back and forth. I didn't see her sit down but I felt her stare on me so I glanced up into those chocolate brown eyes. I froze. She squinted her eyes as if she were going to ask me what was wrong but couldn't decide if she should. In that gesture I found disgust and broke my gaze. I found a speck on the table and stared intently hoping she would just leave it alone. I couldn't explain and I didn't have to.

I had succumbed to tracing the outside of the speck which in fact was just where the paint had chipped away from the table. In that moment that chipped circle was my everything.

"Spencer."

I stopped and cocked my head to the side. You're daydreaming she's not talking to you, she wouldn't she hates you.

"Spencer"

I glanced up into her eyes once again. Clearing my throat I finally spoke. "Yea?"

She looked at me confused. "I just don't get it. You were so adamant that I eat lunch with you and then you ignore me the entire time."

Nervously, habitually, I ran my fingers through my hair. I contemplated telling her but if I said anything I would have to tell her everything. I wasn't ready for that. I didn't need her. I don't need her. "Sorry. I didn't expect you to agree or anything." I resumed watching my speck praying it would do a trick. Solve world hunger, Cure cancer, just anything.

From my peripheral vision I saw her head shoot to the left following all the commotion. The jock table had erupted into laughter at the site of Aiden being tripped. They quickly followed with another fit of laughter as one of them threw food at Madison. I simply shook my head.

High school and prison were one in the same. Mongrels inhabited both. Ashley's features were etched in concern and she watched intently as the scene unfolded. She was eating her lunch fries and as Aiden stood up she sat the fries down and approached him. She guided him back to our table. I was in no mood to protest, this table was just as much his as it was mine. Madison was at her own table with her friends but I looked over my shoulder in time to see her stare at Ashley, Aiden, and I sitting at the same table. Three very different people coinciding and getting along just fine.

They were conversing and Ashley shared her food with him when a jock approached the table. I looked up into his face he was the same one I couldn't place earlier. At a closer look I started to wonder what girl could possibly like him. He has average brown eyes with average hair and an average build. He was absolutely nothing special.

He leaned down to be eye level with Ashley before he spoke. "Bitch, why do you have to be so helpful? We thought nerdy here helped with the style of the ground. We helped him find his place in this world."

Listening to him I realized that's most likely what is sounded like to her in class. Ashley looked back at him with disdain. "Aiden is a sweetheart and you are an egomaniacal jock that has nothing better to do than pick on people who you think are lower than you, but in reality we are on a level you will never reach." She said those words with such grace.

He tightened his fists on the table and appeared to be ready to hit her. "Fuck you, you stupid little whore. Don't talk to me like you know me. You are just envious because you aren't my girl."

I started to anger. This was really the last thing I needed. I hate boys who think women are dirt and can be treated however they wish. I was tapping my foot willing myself to breathe and calm.

"Envious? HA. You have to be kidding me. Take a look in the mirror John you don't have a girlfriend or a boyfriend. No one wants to be your anything" Wow, she can be mean if she needs to. I'm impressed.

He slammed his fists on our table as this comment. Ashley was getting underneath his skin just like she intended. He calmed down enough but John had a death grip on her arm as he spoke the next words. "Fuck you…" In my mind his words cut off there because in a flash I was on my feet backing him into a pole in the quad. Silence was all I heard.

"Bitch what the fuck do you think you are doing?" He said tensed against the pole. I'm surprised he hadn't thrown me back because he was big enough to do so.

"You listen to me and you listen to me good." He started walking us backwards flipping the tables. I pulled a 2 inch pocket knife from my pocket slinging it outwards to its open position. One hand gripping the collar of his shirt the other had the blade placed against his neck. I started again. "You listen to me and you listen to me good. You will leave Ashley alone. I don't care about Madison or Aiden. C'est la vie. You hit Ashley earlier, I saw you, and you will never lay a hand on her again or I'll slit your throat." Everything I said was just above a whisper but it was clear I didn't need to yell for him to understand that I meant what I said.

He looked like a deer caught in the headlight as his pea sized brain comprehended everything I had said to him. I don't know where the anger came from but I didn't have any time to process it. The Student Resource Officer grabbed me from behind.

"Drop the knife" Her commanding voice boomed through my ear.

I did as I was asked and the moment I did I had my arms behind my back in cuffs. So much for staying the whole day and good thing that wasn't my favourite knife.

A smirk replaced the frown on my lips. Looking into those chocolate eyes that I adore I was pulled away in the direction of the office. I sat in that room for about twenty minutes as they tried to decide what to do with me. I started to drift off and, leave it to them to walk out having decided. I was officially put under arrest, read my rights, and then placed in the back of the SRO's cop car.

Mom and Dad are going to love me for this. At least this time I went peacefully.


	6. Palm of your hand

Chapter Six

I blinked and the next thing I know she shot off the bench and had a blade to John's throat. I do not know what Spencer said to him but he was frazzled I could tell. She looked straight at me as they took her away, her normal smirk gracing her lips.

Why did she do that? What did she say? What set her off?

I pondered all these questions in my head as I attempted to resume conversation with Aiden. I failed miserably.

******

The car ride was surprisingly uninteresting. I guess the exhilarating adrenaline pumping feeling wears off after the first two rides in the cop car. The drive to the station was longer than I had expected and by the time we had arrived I had managed to get my hands in front of me. The officer didn't even notice until she forcefully sat me down at a desk.

She scurried off and I was left under the watchful eye of a different officer. Due to me being underage my parents had to be notified and show up at the station before they could say anything to me. I slouched down in the chair and took this time to catch some shut eye.

I was wakened by a vicious slap to the head from my father I could tell it was him without seeing him. I smelt his pricey cologne it always was ahead of him. I clenched my fist and gritted my teeth in response.

The officer in front of me eyed my reaction and I calmly just let everything go. Seconds later I felt warm loving arms around me. Mom.

"What did you do this time?"

"I'm surprised they didn't tell you, or that you couldn't use your super social worker powers and just automatically know" I earned myself 'say one more smart ass comment and I'll hit you' look from my father.

"Hunny just explain to us what happened." Meet my mom the caring and over protective type who loves me far too much.

Paula, my mother, bent down so she was eye level with me. She rested her hands on my knees and patiently awaited my answer.

What was I to say? My teacher, Mr. Jack, touched me and I freaked while earlier that day John hit Ashley and I just happened to snap at lunch because of just everything. Arthur, my father, was tapping his foot impatiently adding a glare just for emphasis.

I had my head down looking at the curves of the cuffs around my wrists. "He hit her"

"He hit who?" My mother asked confused.

I just wanted to go home and talking seemed to be the easiest way. "John, he hit Ashley. At lunch he had her by the arm tightly and called her a whore. I snapped and now here we are." Vagueness, my way of life.

"You know that his actions no matter how bad can't condone your reaction" My eyes shot up I had almost forgot I was at the police station.

"I know, but you asked and I told. That's what happened. So press charges, kick me out, just be done with it so I can leave"

"This isn't a laughable matter. You had a blade to a fellow student's neck."

"Yes I did. I never denied it." I let out a breath I found myself holding. Trouble, this was nothing new. I'm used to trouble it's just the fact that I'm here because of her. Ok that sounded wrong. I'm here because I was…protecting her.

"Can we please just take her home?" Listening to the tone in my mother's voice you'd think she actually cared. Well she does to an extent but police stations always seemed to make her nervous.

"Yes. We were in contact with the boy, John. He said he didn't want to press charges. As far as we are concerned you are free to go but the school will most likely have further actions towards this."

I took a quick glance at my father and he looked pissed. "You sure you can't keep her? I think some jail time might do her some good." I keep my lips sealed at his question. Truthfully it hurts that he would say such a thing.

"Arthur, how dare you. NO, our baby is coming home with us."

The officer watched me intently as my parents continued going back and forth as to whether or should stay or go home. He leaned forward and I quickly pulled back. He motioned for my cuffs so he could unlock them.

I massaged my wrists the entire car ride home. The handcuffs were the only thing that unnerved me. The car ride, booking, and even the cell were just a vacation from reality for me. I watched the houses speed by and I attempt to count them but after about 15 my eyes hurt so bad that I look inside the car. Paula and Arthur were still bickering over me but I had tuned it out.

We reached home finally. Home sweet Home. The one and only reasons I attend school. Paula was first in the door followed by Arthur and I slowly followed. I knew what was to come. I had just barely made it into the door when he slapped me across my face. My lip sneered and just headed upstairs to my room to assess the damage. I could already tell my nose was bleeding.  
>Chapter Six<p>

I blinked and the next thing I know she shot off the bench and had a blade to John's throat. I do not know what Spencer said to him but he was frazzled I could tell. She looked straight at me as they took her away, her normal smirk gracing her lips.

Why did she do that? What did she say? What set her off?

I pondered all these questions in my head as I attempted to resume conversation with Aiden. I failed miserably.

******

The car ride was surprisingly uninteresting. I guess the exhilarating adrenaline pumping feeling wears off after the first two rides in the cop car. The drive to the station was longer than I had expected and by the time we had arrived I had managed to get my hands in front of me. The officer didn't even notice until she forcefully sat me down at a desk.

She scurried off and I was left under the watchful eye of a different officer. Due to me being underage my parents had to be notified and show up at the station before they could say anything to me. I slouched down in the chair and took this time to catch some shut eye.

I was wakened by a vicious slap to the head from my father I could tell it was him without seeing him. I smelt his pricey cologne it always was ahead of him. I clenched my fist and gritted my teeth in response.

The officer in front of me eyed my reaction and I calmly just let everything go. Seconds later I felt warm loving arms around me. Mom.

"What did you do this time?"

"I'm surprised they didn't tell you, or that you couldn't use your super social worker powers and just automatically know" I earned myself 'say one more smart ass comment and I'll hit you' look from my father.

"Hunny just explain to us what happened." Meet my mom the caring and over protective type who loves me far too much.

Paula, my mother, bent down so she was eye level with me. She rested her hands on my knees and patiently awaited my answer.

What was I to say? My teacher, Mr. Jack, touched me and I freaked while earlier that day John hit Ashley and I just happened to snap at lunch because of just everything. Arthur, my father, was tapping his foot impatiently adding a glare just for emphasis.

I had my head down looking at the curves of the cuffs around my wrists. "He hit her"

"He hit who?" My mother asked confused.

I just wanted to go home and talking seemed to be the easiest way. "John, he hit Ashley. At lunch he had her by the arm tightly and called her a whore. I snapped and now here we are." Vagueness, my way of life.

"You know that his actions no matter how bad can't condone your reaction" My eyes shot up I had almost forgot I was at the police station.

"I know, but you asked and I told. That's what happened. So press charges, kick me out, just be done with it so I can leave"

"This isn't a laughable matter. You had a blade to a fellow student's neck."

"Yes I did. I never denied it." I let out a breath I found myself holding. Trouble, this was nothing new. I'm used to trouble it's just the fact that I'm here because of her. Ok that sounded wrong. I'm here because I was…protecting her.

"Can we please just take her home?" Listening to the tone in my mother's voice you'd think she actually cared. Well she does to an extent but police stations always seemed to make her nervous.

"Yes. We were in contact with the boy, John. He said he didn't want to press charges. As far as we are concerned you are free to go but the school will most likely have further actions towards this."

I took a quick glance at my father and he looked pissed. "You sure you can't keep her? I think some jail time might do her some good." I keep my lips sealed at his question. Truthfully it hurts that he would say such a thing.

"Arthur, how dare you. NO, our baby is coming home with us."

The officer watched me intently as my parents continued going back and forth as to whether or should stay or go home. He leaned forward and I quickly pulled back. He motioned for my cuffs so he could unlock them.

I massaged my wrists the entire car ride home. The handcuffs were the only thing that unnerved me. The car ride, booking, and even the cell were just a vacation from reality for me. I watched the houses speed by and I attempt to count them but after about 15 my eyes hurt so bad that I look inside the car. Paula and Arthur were still bickering over me but I had tuned it out.

We reached home finally. Home sweet Home. The one and only reasons I attend school. Paula was first in the door followed by Arthur and I slowly followed. I knew what was to come. I had just barely made it into the door when he slapped me across my face. My lip sneered and just headed upstairs to my room to assess the damage. I could already tell my nose was bleeding. 


	7. Broken Wings

I didn't sleep. I didn't dream. Promptly at 6 I opened my eyes and stared through the darkness at the ceiling. Another day. The principal had left a message on the answering machine and sometime last night through all my tuning out I heard Paula say they hadn't suspended me and was willing to give me another chance.

After I had showered and dressed I headed down stairs. In the mirror that morning I looked at my cheek. Four out of five of his fingers were visible across my face. I don't wear makeup so I didn't bother to cover it up. At least this time he missed my eye.

Glen was downstairs eating breakfast and when I walked into the kitchen he eyed my face and then turned away. Clay walked in sometime after and hugged me and then he just disappeared. I was standing in the center of the kitchen listening, or pretending, to Paula jabber on about something. Arthur had already left for work. Seeing him in this house was a rare occurrence these days.

Then as if I had been sleeping I woke at school. I don't even remember getting into the car. Just like yesterday I was standing in front of the school looking in. Into a reality so many lived by, stressed by, and metaphorically died by.

Walking through the quad I couldn't decide if everyone was staring at the bruise on my face or reminiscing about yesterday's events. Today I didn't trudge. I conformed and merely walked through the center of the quad straight into the halls. I could not cope with everyone staring at me. I reached my locker and rest my back against it for a few seconds before I slid down it to rest on the floor.

I heard footsteps approach but thought nothing of them until they stopped. "Hey" The owner of those spoken words was the brunette I was arrested yesterday for.

I looked up briefly but did not say a word. Drawing my knees to my chest I crossed my arms on them then rested my head on top. I was hoping Ashley would take a hint and leave me alone but instead she sat down beside me. This action caught me off guard.

I could feel her stare on me. It was unnerving in a way. "What do you want twig?"

"Ok I just want to say first off that you are no bigger than me in size just ego so you have no reason to call me twig. Secondly, what happened yesterday to cause you to take a knife to John?" God she can talk when she wants to but I'm amazed because she managed to say all of that in a calm half whisper.

I sighed then did the first thing that came to mind. "I'm sorry." I stood up quickly giving two seconds for that annoying dizzy feeling you sometimes get when you stand up to go away before I started to walk down the hall. The second thing I always do; run. I did not hear her follow me but she caught my arm and I am absolutely sure she saw my whole body tense. I cringed and holding my breath I pulled my arm out of her grasp but I stayed put.

Staring forward look at nothing in particular I just waited. "Why won't you talk to me?" She asked timidly almost as if she regretted asking.

I continued to stare forward but now I moved to my shoes. I was praying a decent answer would just pop into my mind. Finally I turned to face her. "Why do you care? I'm just the crazy transfer student who wouldn't leave you alone."

She reached out touching my bruised cheek and for the tiniest millisecond I relished in her touch. Ashley has such soft hands. My brain kicked back into gear and instantly I grabbed her wrist slowly moving her hand away. I could feel her eyes study me and I made it my mission to look everywhere but her.

"Spencer, I'm not quite sure why I care but I do so don't question it." Those were the kindest words I had heard in a long while.

On cue after our tension filled moment the bell rang for first block and Ashley walked beside me to our class.

I resumed yesterday's sitting behind the brunette and quickly became lost in thought.

Why does she care? Why can't she just be like every other sane person who ignores me like the plague? Oh my god that's it. She is insane. You just really know how to pick them don't you Spencer.

Eyes, everyone was staring at me and it was causing me to panic. I didn't know what they wanted. I knew I couldn't have been called to the office because Paula settled everything over the phone before I even left for school this morning. I sat confused and panicky until Mrs. McTeer finally opened her mouth. "Spencer I was wondering if you had any input to our chapter discussion."

My mind was racing. What book are they reading? What are my chances of having read it? Don't get me wrong I'm not illiterate but I don't want the entire student body knowing I like to read. I ran my fingers through my hair and cleared me throat. "What book?"

"We've been reading Snow Falling on Cedars and I was just wondering if you would like to add your opinion."

Well I read the book but did I want them to know I had? Mentally I sighed, thinking that I would probably kick myself for this later. "Snow Falling on Cedars takes place in a small town at the time of the Bombing of Pearl Harbor. Uhmmm…The events that take place in the characters lives we get to take a peek into are intense and sometimes saddening. The novel seeps discrimination and sadly enough it happened. Ishmael is butt hurt at the fact that he lost his arm and the girl of his dreams. Kabuo is accused of murder. It revolves around the trial of Kabuo but it shows how all these extremely different people are tied together through different sequence of events." My answer only gained me more stares. Just goes to prove they all thought I couldn't read or something to that extent. Ashley had even turned around to see if it was in fact me who spoke. I was nervously running my fingers through my hair.

"Well Miss Carlin I thank you for your opinion. And I don't want to sound terribly rude but I'm surprised you read this book. It isn't exactly on anyone's top list of fun reading." She was searching for words I could see the gears in her head just a moving.

"Its fine Mrs. McTeer it's not like any of you thought I could read in the first place." AH that's what I like to see. Finally you are acting liking yourself.

She was stunned as they all were. It's not surprising. Most people take me at face value or judge me by how many times I have visited the principal's office. Before she got the chance to say anything else the bell rang to dismiss us. Everyone quickly shot up out of their chairs and head through the door. I waited a moment standing up slowly hoping I could catch Ashley alone.

Ashley was walking to the door when I finally grew the ovaries to catch her. I raced up behind her careful not to touch her. "Ash…" Not exactly what I planned for but my voice gave out. It wasn't my fault.

She spun on her heel swooshing her hair around perfectly. "Yes?"

I held my breath. It's now or never. "Lunch?"

She smiled. A perfect smile might I add. Nose wrinkling to be more exact. "I wouldn't have it any other way. You're stuck with me now."

I thought of returning the smile but I just couldn't force myself to do so. These days I only smirked and that's when I had caused some sort of trouble. "Yeah. We're perfect. Us both being bruised an all." Again not what I meant to say but I can settle for that. It was the truth after all.


	8. The Chase

Chapter Eight

She was a mystery. I wasn't sure if I cared because I wanted to figure her out or because I truly felt something. She was troubled anyone could see that. Her actions showed it. She may say and do hurtful things but her countenance shows that's not who she truly is. Obviously something she has experienced made her this way.

I sat all through my art class in anticipation for lunch. I didn't draw a single line on my paper and my participation grade for today went to shit. I couldn't focus. If I had drew anything on the paper it would have been her. Her troubled features that stemmed from perfection but I would imagine a smile on her lips instead.

The bell finally rang. I learned something new today the clock is your worst enemy and glancing frequently at the infernal device only slows time down. After being reprimanded I was on my way to her. I shoved my unnecessary books and things in my locker then walked forcefully calmed to the table.

I saw her already sitting at the table and I approached carefully. In front of her was a note book opened to a page that was blank except for the words "Wake up to a sunny day, not a cloud up in the sky. Then it starts to rain," Feeling as if I was intruding I walked around the table and sat down as if I hadn't seen a thing.

She glanced up with her piercing blue eyes to acknowledge my presence and then returned her gaze back to her notebook. She seemed a bit frustrated but her voice didn't betray that emotion when she spoke to me.

"Hey" Her gaze was back on me. Drinking me in.

I smiled. "Hi. Homework?" Not the coolest response but I had no clue what to say and leaving it just at hello is boring.

She looked down to where my eyes had settled and I swear I heard a small laugh come from her. "This? No I'm working on a song. Music is the only thing that has kept me sane, well if you could consider me sane." A look tinged her features as if she was reconsidering what she said that maybe she felt she said too much. I took it as a hint and changed the subject. As much as I wanted to know her I wasn't going to force it.

"Not going to eat lunch?" Terrible change of subject but it works.

"No I don't eat school food."

"Oh" We fell into a silence I'm just not sure if it was a comfortable one or not.

I was staring and not meaning to so I looked away. Aiden was walking towards us taking the long way around the quad as far as possible from the jocks. I looked back at her to see if she noticed; she hadn't. His shadow streamed along the table till it finally stopped and he sat down. He was tall and lanky but unlike other typical nerds he had perfectly clear skin.

She eyed me and I turned and said hey to him. I could almost feel the unease steaming off of her. She was uncomfortable and I just wanted to tell Aiden to leave but I couldn't no matter how much I wanted to. Thankfully Aiden excused himself because he forgot a napkin. She took this opportunity to say something.

"Does this school have a music room?"

"Yeah. It's on the 700 hallway near the end."

"Ok. Well that's where I'll be." She stood up and I watched her walk away.

She walked with a sense of confidence but that was just the shell of her. Spencer, I felt, just mirrored the confidence from other people. What she thought she should be. It was a mask she wore around us all. I wanted to take that mask off and see her for who she really was.

This was our second failed lunch. First lead to her arrest and now she was hiding, literally. I was tempted to just run after her but I was polite enough to wait for Aiden to return. I apologized for leaving him alone but I feigned having an important meeting.

I imagined my footsteps walking in the imprints hers left. Our steps in a sequence only our feet knew. The door approached slowly a torturous pace. Finally I reached it and my feet paused before I pushed the door open. Inside I found her with her back to me staring at her notebook on a stand.

She glanced over her shoulder to see me and started to strum the guitar in her hands. I felt the panic rise in me and she strummed a familiar chord. That one chord that plagued my dreams for year the one I was just now learning to cope with. My feet were frozen to the spot although I was willing them with everything I had to run. Vines sprouted from the floor holding me in place slowly incasing me. They spread slowly up and around my torso then swallowed me whole.

I must have been rooted to the spot for a long while because when I came to Spencer was standing in front of me waving a hand in front of my eyes. She came into my focus and I was flooded with memories. I turned and ran out the door making my way down the hall. I ran and I ran but to nowhere in particular.


	9. Misery Music

Chapter nine

Ashley caught me off guard as she turned and ran out the door. My music has never had that effect on anyone. Normally they would leave through a set of doors with me to some miscellaneous room but that was before I quit playing in public. Allowing her to be in the room as I merely strummed warm up chords was a big step for me but for some unknown reason I was at ease in her presence.

Without another thought I ran out the door after her. If she sits by my side when I'm having a bad day then my lazy ass can run after her and make us even. I could still see her small frame running and then sharply turning a corner.

God I'm out of shape. When I finally was in reaching distance of her I did something completely out of my character. I caught her arm. At the rate she was running forward and then my abrupt stop caused her to spin into my arms. Our whole front halves met up electrifying my toes to the top of my head. My hands were rested on her hips before I realized it and took a step back.

I caught a tinge of red on her cheeks as I glanced up and cleared my throat. "Wanna talk about it?

She was distant her eyes glazed. "I can't. Not now, not here."

My thoughts were racing. I was going out on a limb here. I am Spencer the cold-hearted punk who doesn't talk to anyone and if I do it's the rudest thing possible. "Wanna get out of here?" Great so I was arrested yesterday and now I'm offering to skip with her.

She focused on me for the first time since I chased her. The gears working in her mind as she contemplated the consequences. "Yea" Her voice was weak and dripping with hurt.

Here goes nothing. "OK. Give me your keys"

She looked at me quizzically. "What?"

"Come on twig, your keys, your car keys. I don't have a car."

"Can you even drive?"

"Of course I can drive."

She handed her keys to me cautiously then and followed me as I snuck us both off campus. We ran silently to the parking lot and jumped into her very fancy black Porche. Not exactly what I pictured her driving but we'll go with it. Luckily for us the parking lot watchman was out off attending to something and we drove by his box easily.

Now in all honesty I can drive because at this moment I was clearly driving her car but I can't drive legally because I don't possess a license. What she doesn't know what hurt her that's my philosophy. Ashley did not seem to care that I was driving her car with no specific destination. I looked over at her she had her hands crossed in her lap and she appeared to be watching her shoes. I wonder if they can do tricks.

I jumped as she spoke for the first time since the hallway back in school. "Where are we going?" Her voice quivered showing she was holding back tears or screaming.

I thought about what actually lied ahead in the direction I was headed. "The zoo."

She giggled. Her laugh was a unique one that I could listen to for eternity. We reached the zoo, which was ridiculously bare; I parked the car and paid both of our entrance fees. I made sure I walked a safe distance from her so our arms didn't have the chance to touch but I was still in ear shot if she happened to say anything. Like the lost puppy I was I followed her to where she might lead.

We walked around the whole park. We saw huge ass elephants and cute little baby panda's even killer piranhas which I was half tempted to stick my hand into the tank with. I wasn't really paying attention the zoo was just an attempt to distract her mind but when I finally opened my eyes and ventured out of my thoughts we were in the Snake Shack.

I surveyed the room we were the only ones in her and the next thing I know she just crumbles to the floor. I'm trying to console her but I can't touch her. My hand is hovering above her back quivering. I can't do it I can't will myself to touch her. Proximity is something I can adapt to for a brief second however.

I lean in closer to her ear. "Ash" Is all I say in a whisper then back away.

The tears stream steadily down her face and I can see where they begin as she looks at me. They stem from her chocolate brown eyes that are now a swirl of past pain and confusion. She looks at me without blinking long enough that I take a deep breath and go against everything my brain tells me. I wipe away the tears on the right side of her cheek. I unintentionally pull my hand back as if her face was acid and exhaled since I had been holding my breath. I bit my lip and reached out with my other hand and wiped away the remaining tears but pulled back more calmly this time.

I adverted my eyes, I may have just taken a huge stepped and interacted with a human being, a pretty one at that, but that doesn't mean I have to look at her now.

"I…I can't." She forced the whisper out.

I nodded in understanding. "It's ok. I can take you home?"

She glanced away and then back at me. "No one's home. And I…"

"Don't want to be alone right now?" I said finishing her sentence for her.

She simply nodded in agreement. I sat down beside her and we both leaned against the snake cage. I was staring at the red light in one of the snake cages and I could feel here periodically look at me. She touched my thigh and I tensed. So we proved I can bite my lip and touch her briefly but her returning any form of contact was out of the question. We seriously have to work on that.

I looked over at her to find her staring right back at me. "Spence, come on let's get out of here. I want to show you something." She stood up and then offered her hands to help me up. I just wasn't ready for that so I helped myself up.

We walked out side by side, not touching, back to her car. She threw me the keys I had handed back to her and we continued on our way. Ashley fed me the directions to where ever and I followed them diligently until…


	10. Checkmarks

Chapter ten

We were speeding along in my black Porche and I let her drive because I didn't trust myself to get us anywhere safely. I gave her directions to my house and that's where she was unknowingly driving until a cop pulled out behind us as we sped past an old dilapidated house. He flashed his lights and Spencer immediately slowed and merged to the right of the road.

I looked over and she glanced at me and under her breath I heard her speak. "Shit"

"Don't worry about it. It happens." I attempted to sound reassuring but I was still too shook up.

She gave me a "you're crazy" look and then replied defeated. "Just you wait."

I watched her profile as she steadily watched the officer approach closer and closer in the rear view mirror. He was wearing aviators and walked in the "I am bad ass" was. Over confident to the point of arrogance.

"Start panicking" She was eyeing me and then she demonstrated with her breathing.

When he reached the side of the car he motioned for her to lower the window and she did. I had picked up my breathing as she had directed.

"Afternoon ladies. Are you aware you were speeding?" He asked as he slid the glasses down his nose with his finger.

"Yes sir" Wow, she can be respectful.

"License and registration please ma'am."

She reached into the glove compartment and grabbed my registration then handed it to the officer. He glanced at it and then looked back at her. His impatience showed as he began tapping his foot incessantly.

"License ma'am"

"Oh right, about that. See I don't have a license per se but my friend Ashley here and you can see is having a panic attack. Well I can't let her drive to get her medicine like that so I offered to drive even though I don't have a license." I'm amazed she said that with grace and a hint of honesty in her voice. This talent may cause problems in the future.

"I see." He seemed to be in deep thought as he scratched the hairs on his chin.

"I don't want to be rude or disrespectful but she's having a panic attack so can I take her to get her meds or are you going to write me a ticket and make her drive herself?"

He scratched his chin for a few seconds longer as I continued to alter my breathing. Now I was actually feeling light headed. I was clearly breathing in too much oxygen.

"Give me your name and number and then you can be on your way but I don't want to catch you speeding and without a license again."

"OK. Spencer Carlin 760-9118 Thanks"

Then we drove away. My breathing slowed and a smile graced my lips. I can't believe we just got away with that. That was incredible. She drove her normal speed once we were out of sight and this time we arrived safely at my house. She pulled up in my drive way and I was shocked to see her lack of reaction at my huge house. Spencer parked my car at the top of the loop closest to my front door then jumped out and ran around to my door and opened it for me.

I blushed slightly as I jumped out of the car and then let us in the oak front door. I showed her the foyer, which is hard to miss, and then proceeded to show her around until her phone rang. She jammed her hand into her pocket and answered it as soon as she could. I watched as her countenance changed to a deeper darker expression. Flipping her phone shut she looked up at me.

"Ashley look I'm sorry I have to get home." With that she just turned and walked back towards the front door.

"Wait and how do you plan to get home run?" I grabbed my keys and followed her out.

We switched roles she became the quiet fidgety one as I blossomed into a controlled shell of my former self. She fed me directions that I ate up quickly and before we got there I knew in my head where she lived. She shuffled out of the car after I pulled up and parked across the street. Without a final word she was gone. Her dad opened the door quickly and as soon as her last blonde hair had made it through the frame he snapped it shut.

******

"Spencer Carlin what the fuck were you thinking?" Arthur yelled at the top of his lungs the minute I made it in the door. I did not say a word, just looked at him trying to prepare for the worst.

He slapped me once before he continued. At least it was the other cheek but I know that wouldn't be the half of it.

"Yesterday you are arrested and today you are pulled over for speeding and without a license."

At this point I could see Clay and Glen scatter off to their rooms and Paula standing a safe distance away folding laundry. I quit saying anything back to him years ago because whatever I say is never the right answer. I find it best to tune the world out at times like these or try to at least it just doesn't always work. Silence ensued for a few moments then his voice echoed through the house bouncing offs walls as if they were rubber.

"What are you a mute?"

I was tempted one day to ask him if hitting me brought him some satisfaction of was he just a lost soul floating through life without the knowledge of his actions and their consequences. I refrained from asking which was probably one of my better ideas, that year.

"Well say something"

See that's my problem I have nothing to say. Nothing he would want to hear that would make any of this better. It's the truth I was caught speeding without a license. It's not like I could deny it. I watched in slow motion as his fist approached my not bruised cheek. I closed my eyes and stood there preparing for the blow. It landed with such intensity that I stumbled backwards. Bad idea. Arthur saw my stumble as a sign of weakness and thought it a bright idea to continue. He had me by the neck and up against the wall in a mere second.

"You are so unappreciative. Your mother and I have given you everything but you insist on acting like a tyrant. One day you'll learn. You will even if I have to beat it into you."

The closest he ever came to admitting his actions. Wow. The lack of oxygen was dragging time down with it and my eyes fluttered open and closed as Arthur took to hitting me in the ribs. I don't remember him stopping or letting go just my body hitting the floor.

Arthur grabbed his jacket from the coat stand and flung the door open hitting my foot in the process as he stormed out. He would be gone for god knows how long but I didn't care. The longer he is gone the more time I have to heal.

The rest of the night passed in a blur. I walked myself shakily up the stairs and into my bath room. Where he punched me he tore open the skin and I had a light trail of blood down my swollen cheek. I dressed the wound such as is habit now then lay in bed not bothering to change clothes.


	11. Dark Blue

Chapter Eleven

I stared into the darkness waiting for my alarm to go off. I was holding my breath and letting it out gently and when I had to breathe I would take an even more careful breath in. This routine was slowly putting me back to sleep because when my alarm went off it caught me off guard and I took a very deep breath then winced as lightning spread across my chest. I grit my teeth and clenched my fist together. I have to get up I have to go to school.

I sat up slowly trying to ease the pain as I held my side. I felt a single tear fall from my eye which I quickly wiped away all evidence of. I stood just as shakily as last night trying to gain my bearings. Spencer this will past your wounds will heal. I made my way into my bathroom to assess the damage. The swelling had gone down but the broken capillaries stood their ground making their presence known in the form of a dark blue bruise. Thank god the bruise on my other cheek was pretty much faded. Now I just have to think of what to say if anyone asks. I lifted my tank and saw a bruise the size of a plate. I gently placed pressure against the bruised skin to see if I felt anything abnormal. The lightning came back as I hit where a rib was located. Great I do believe you have a broken rib if not two Spencer.

I do have to say that putting my shirt on that morning was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do. Then god bending down to tie my shoes that had to be the worst pain in the world. I strategically placed my hair over the bruise before I left my room. Glen glanced at me as I came down the stairs then quickly looked away as he saw dad walk in the room. I made sure I stayed out of his way until Glen and Clay finally thought it was time to leave for school.

Glen parked the car in the normal spot but I couldn't make myself get out of the car. I'm not sure what I was waiting on but I couldn't will myself to move. He threatened to drag me, which meant he would touch me, so I quickly jumped out of the car and stood on the side walk. My eyes scanned the quad and I didn't move until I saw her. My heart stopped a split second. Now I had to decide, go to her and explain or walk by and have to explain later or just never explain and avoid that topic like the plague.

I made to walk passed her but couldn't be completely rude so I tilted my head in a fashion that told her to follow me. I lead us back to the music room which I knew would be a private place. Turning around I was met with chocolate eyes filled with worry.

I was at a loss for words just something she did to me. I returned her gaze getting lost in her eyes. She reached out to brush my hair behind me hair and I panicked and took a step back.

I gulped. "Just ask to see it." I avoided her eyes as I moved the strands of hair out of the way. I looked up in time to see her expression. Everything seemed to register in her mind.

"Your father hits you?" I was stunned at the question. It was so blunt and asked in an innocent way as if it was almost normal.

"No I got in a fight with my bro and he shoved me then I lost my balance and fell." Ok who the hell would believe that Spence? Your brother is the biggest pansy ever and Clay well he's too nice. I could tell she didn't believe me heck I wouldn't believe me.

"I'm sorry" She said it with such sincerity it shocked me.

"It's fine. It's nothing new" God, around her I feel so comfortable which just means I'm vulnerable.

"How long?" Such a simple question that I felt like answering truthfully but not now and not here and not just yet. Can I be sure I can trust her?

"So class" Terrible change of subject but at least the bell was on my side. I made it to the door then turned and titled my head again to get her to follow me. I know if I plan to keep her as a friend then I'll have to tell her sometime. Whoa wait Spencer Carlin with a friend? This is something new.

We both made it into class before the bell rang and sat in our seats. Roll call just gave me time to stew over everything. If I don't tell her something she may get mad at me and if she is my friend that is the last thing I want. Gah having friends is so difficult but I don't think Ashley is the type of person that would just leave me.

I cleared my throat and leaned up in my desk then attempted to whisper. "Ash, I know you don't like the music room so pick some other place we can go during lunch and I'll try and explain some things." Whew, I leaned back and dazed off into my thoughts.

The bell rang and I jumped and hit my side against the bar of my desk then had to stifle my scream. I looked up and Ashley had been waiting on me. Her eyes glazed with worry and hate as she saw me try to regain my composure. Finally I stood my knees feeling a little shaky. I continued to avoid eye contact with her as I made my way to the door.

"Let me see." She asked quietly.

I paused in my tracks then turned around. "It's nothing really." Lying through your teeth again Carlin. You know she can see through it.

"Just show me, or I'll have to life your shirt up myself." What's that, flirting?

I shook my head from side to side to erase that thought from my mind and then obliged her by lifting the shirt up. She walked forward and gasped then reached out but was careful not to touch. My stomach tightened and I held my breath. I let my shirt hem fall as the bell rang. Great we are late.

"Pick a place to meet for lunch and text me. Here's my number" I shoved a piece of torn paper to her holding it with two fingers so she had plenty of room to grab it. Then I practically ran out of class.

Tardy. Yay I got to sign my John Hancock to the ugly yellow sheet of paper. Five whole minutes into the class and I was asleep. I opened my book to the chapter and propped my head in my hands to make it look like I was paying attention. My cell vibrated in my pocket tearing me from a dream. I jumped awake.

"FU…." I bit my lip to stop from continuing.

"Language Miss Carlin"

"Sorry." I spoke through gritted teeth. The world just isn't on my side today.

After I got my phone out of my pocket I flipped it open to read a text from who I figured was Spencer. "I can't think of a better place, music room it is. See you there." I flipped it close and went back to sleeping until I heard the bell ring. Shoved all my shit together and headed towards the door.

"Uh. Miss Carlin can I have a word with you?"

Fuck what now? "Yea." I turned around and walked back in the door.

"I've noticed you like to sleep in my class. However I don't want you to get into the habit of it because I'll before forced to write you up and that's just more paper work for me"

"Whatever." With that I turned and walked out the door leaving a stunned Mr. Jack in my wake.

I was mentally preparing myself as I walked through the maze to the music room. I had some things I had to explain but these are the skeletons I immaculately hid in my closest and I really rather them stay there. Telling her this would reawaken so many of my demons. Entering the music room I found a very nervous looking Ashley pacing back and forth. I followed her with my eyes until she finally looked at me and our gazes locked.

I cracked my knuckles and proceeded to take great interest in my hands until she caught me off guard. She placed one of her hands over both of mine and surprisingly instead of pulling away I let her touch them. My gaze was set on our hands watching her as she felt out my scars and traced my knuckles and down to my finger tips. After some moments passed my hands were palm up. She laid hers palm up within my hands. I couldn't help but wonder why I pulled back from her touch earlier. Her hands were soft and small and in certain aspects resembled mine. I had no reason to fear her hands they weren't the ones that caused so much wrong in my life.

I closed the fingers of my right hand around her left and lead her to the piano bench. I faced one of my fears it only seemed right she did the same. As we sat down I let go of her hand letting her arm fall to her lap. I looked over to check and see if she was on the verge of running away. I rested my fingers on the black and white keys in front of me. A C resonated around the room as I applied pressure to the white key.

I was the first to break the comfortable understanding silence that had fallen between us. "Can I show you something?"

She simply nodded in reply. I shifted my body so I was sitting on the very edge of piano bench. "Sit behind me. One of your legs on each side of mine." I turned away as I felt myself blush slightly at the statement.

Ashley did as I had said and I temporarily lost control at the feeling of her behind me, her heat circulating all around me. "Now place your hands on top of mine." She placed her left on top of my left and her right on top of my right. I was encased by this tan beauty and fighting for every ounce of control I possessed. What have you gotten yourself into Spencer? "Ok now keep them there."

I began playing the piano. Pressing the keys in a sequence that I wanted. One that would bring my song to life before us both. The song I was playing for her had no words but it was perfect without them. We were perfect in this moment. As the song came to a crescendo I felt her lean into me. When I finished she had laced her fingers in between mine. I looked over my shoulder at her and saw that she had tears lightly falling collecting at her jaw line before they disappeared down her neck.

"I didn't mean to upset you. I just wanted you to see how it felt to be lost in the music."

"You didn't upset me. That was the sweetest thing anyone has ever done for me. You'll never be able to understand how much that meant." She let go of my hands and made to wipe away her tears.

She made her way off the bench to stand a few feet away and I followed. Today had turned out to be a decent day. For some unknown reason I was comfortable in Ashley's presence enough to let her touch me. If I had a therapist they would be so proud. HA. Out of the blue she hugged me.

"My ribs Ashley." She let go and backed away. "Hey I said I would explain some things so let's get that over with." I smiled. Wait what? Spencer Carlin smiled? This has to be a first in years. She returned the smile and I took it as a sign to continue. "Well you clearly already know that my dad hits me but its better if I admit it. So my dad hits me but surprisingly that has nothing to do with me not liking to be touched." I finished and I wasn't as relieved as I thought I would be. It's good to admit things but she still didn't know the half of it and as of late I just wasn't ready to tell her.

She let everything soak in before she spoke and I could tell she was choosing her words carefully. "Have you ever thought to tell anyone?"

"My mother knows as does my two brothers, Glen and Clay." By now I know she could tell I was nervous. I was fidgety and shifting my weight for side to side. "I don't wanna talk about it. I told you and that should be enough for right now."

Ashley was understanding and just nodded. The bell rang shortly after and we walked out of the music room with our shoulders touching every so often as we walked.


	12. Tangled up in Her

Chapter 12

Three weeks has passed since that day in the music room. Since then Ashley has witnessed a lot of my firsts. My first genuine smile and my first eye-watering laugh. My first real friendship was going great and on occasion we actually sat out in the quad for lunch with Aiden accompanying us of course. My superficial wounds had healed which I completely owe Ashley for. I have spent the last three weeks with her just hanging around town or at her house watching movies and swimming. She was my escape and since then Arthur has not had a decent reason to be pissed at me but he also hasn't been home.

******

"Hey Ash, music room today?" Spencer asked as she playfully danced around me in the class room. "I've got something I want you to hear; if you know… you want to because you totally don't have to." Her rambling was cute in every way.

"Yeah, sounds like a plan." I'm not sure why but my heart races as I imagine her playing the guitar again. She plays beautifully and I enjoy every minute of it but with her playing bad memories resurface.

The bell rings sparing me from any more thought as now I had to focus on saying "here" when my name was called. To no avail Mrs. McTeer went on and on about the book we were supposed to be reading. These past three weeks that I have spent with Spencer I have come to know that spark notes does wonders for a person who isn't motivated enough to actually read. She has the power to make me forget everything and just enjoy the time we spend together. I'll never forget how my heart swelled when I witnessed her first smile but that couldn't compare to her first genuine laugh. In the cheesiest way she completed me. We both shared terrible happenings that clouded our life but together we felt safe. She had unintentionally made her way into every aspect of my life. Suddenly it dawned on me. I loved her there was no question about that, but the way electricity ran through me as our hips met or even just our hands, and the occasional dream of us together all made sense now, I was, or so I thought, in love with her. What a revelation, now what to do?

The bell rang resonating through my ears and I jumped scrambling to collect my things and silently cursing my scatterbrained-ness. Spencer and I parted once out in the hallway heading out separate ways. I was off to Art class which today I was determined to draw something my participation had slipped greatly over the past three weeks. Class had started ten minutes ago and I had yet to draw a single line. I held the ebony pencil between my fingers maneuvering it through them like a drummer would. Ms. Dean had startled me when she placed a small hand on my shoulder and shook her in disappointment at my blank sheet of paper. I can read her mind now. All hope is lost my best student and prodigy has done nothing for three weeks. Her disappointment fueled me to draw; I situated my right leg up under my body so I was higher up and able to see my entire paper equally. The gray lead of the ebony pencil guide itself across the paper my hand only offered stabilization. Moving the pesky strands of hair out of my face was the only movement I managed as I was lost in my art. A wave of relief passed over me as my concentration broke as it was obvious I was finished. A smile grace my lips as it became obvious what I had drawn. My masterpiece was none other than an in detail drawing of Spencer's hands from the day in the music room when I had them palm up soon to be filled with mine. Every line, every curve, but no one would see that hidden in the simplicity of her hands the lines of misery searing her skin or the fear she shared even for her own hands. Ms. Dean passed by nodding in approval.

"Okay class the bell is about to ring to dismiss you and on the way out I would like you to place your drawings on the cart." On a never failing cue the bell rang and all the students myself included did as she asked and placed our art on the cart.

My thoughts were set to Spencer so remembering our music room rendezvous was easy as eating pie. I walked in a blur of excitement to the music room. She was already in the room she beat me there every day. She had her back to me once again, her hair haphazardly pulled into a ponytail and tapping her foot to the beat in her head. I hated when she pulled her back but who was I to say anything.

"So what am I supposed to be hearing?" Spencer jumped and I didn't attempt to suppress my laughter. She whipped around her guitar in hands.

"A song I wrote for you…for us…for whatever we've been through, even though I don't know what's troubled you. It's not finished yet though but I couldn't wait any longer for you to hear it."

I nodded and took the initiative to sit in a seat in front of her. She did some last minute tuning and the fixed her eyes somewhere over my head. It was obvious that she was nervous. "I'm going to apologize my voice isn't up to par and may sound terrible." Her statement showed it.

She strummed the soft introduction chords perfectly. Then her voice broke through the silence. Awakening my senses.

"Wake up to a sunny day, not a cloud up in the sky  
>Then it starts to rain, my defenses hit the ground<br>And they shatter all around, so open and exposed  
>I found strength in the struggle<br>Face to face with my trouble"

The first verse was sung in a half whisper eliciting feelings of vulnerability. Her small yet powerful voice permeated through me making me feel every word she sang.

"When you're broken in a million little pieces  
>And you're trying but you can't hold on anymore<br>Every tear falls down for a reason  
>Don't you stop believing in yourself<br>When you're broken"

This verse is where her voice really came alive my hairs stood on end as the strumming intensified. I could feel her pain and anger disguised and wrapped up tightly amongst the words she sang.

"Little girl don't be so blue  
>I know what you're going through<br>Don't let it beat you up  
>Hitting walls and getting scars<br>Only makes you who you are  
>Only makes you who you are<br>No matter how much your heart is aching  
>There is beauty in the breaking"<p>

Her voice dropped to a serious tone as she sang with truth and sincerity. The last verse she was to share was more serene and dealing with healing. She repeated the strumming pattern from the intro and then nervously sat her guitar down and began shuffling through papers on the stand.

I, however, sat in awe. I was simply at a loss for words. Her voice was angelic but tainted with pain. Music was her redemption her sanity and her singing showed it. She captivated and pulled me in delicately and now I was most certain I loved her. I knew it was time to tell her everything but here was not the place. Snapping to I realized I had left her in a frenzy and had yet to say anything.

I stood from my chair quietly and approached Spencer. Her back was too me but she stopped rummaging as she felt my presence then turned slowly. I engulfed her in a hug, a more normal occurrence since that day three weeks ago. She hugs me back, tightly her arms a little higher than my waist as mine are wrapped around her neck. I don't know what words could express what I wanted to say so I just pull her closer into me. After hugging for longer than an appropriate time for friends no matter the situation we pull apart.

"My house after school?"

"Of course?"

"Good I have something I want to tell you but only after I show you something."

I glanced at my watch as she started cleaning the room up. Any minute now the bell was going to ring. I simultaneously counted down the seconds 3, 2, 1, ring. I made for the door and turned around before I left to catch a glimpse of her finishing up.

"Spence?"

She made an acknowledging noise and looked up at me.

"Hair down from now on, it accentuates your beauty"

I saw a crimson rise to her cheeks as her eyes adverted and pulled the band out of her hair. Satisfied with myself I left the music room to head to class.


	13. Suddenly I See

Chapter 13

I spent the rest of the day in a blur I was automated through all of my classes not hearing a single word my teachers said. Mindlessly I stared out the window occasionally following a bird or leaf but all the while my foot subconsciously tapped a mile per minute. What could she possibly have to tell me? By the end of my 4th block class I was a wreck in fact the last hours of school were spent wondering what Ashley could want to tell me and why she couldn't tell me in the music room at lunch. I had run through different scenarios inside and out never finding one I thought might be true.

I must have looked like a loon jumping two feet out of my skin as the bell rang, really I should be used to the bell by now, this is worse than in the morning with my alarm. I sat for an extra second to compose myself and beg my mind to ease the worry; I was starting to go mad. A battle raged within and I took it out on my hair unable to situate it behind my ears the right way. Five minutes later I had found a new target for my inner turmoil, I was screaming at my locker because it blatantly refused to open but come to find out it wasn't mine, it was some kid named Jake's, I was one more over. Ashley completely and utterly just screws with my head, not in an intentionally mean way, she just makes me scatterbrained. I am still to this day, three weeks later, fully surprised that I can form a coherent thought let alone a sentence in her presence. Speaking of the brunette, I hope she hasn't left me, lord knows I cannot legally drive nor do I have a car.

I slammed my locker shut did this weird little arm stretching movement and walked calmly to her black Porsche. Ashley was leaning on the hood waiting for me, looking absolutely stunning. The light breeze was playing with her hair while the sun light twinkled in her shades then was redirected in a million different directions. My breath caught in my chest and as I approached closer, my brain kicked in and I took in air too quick and started coughing. Mentally I'm kicking myself, honestly what person forgets to breathe, although I must say I have a proper reason, look who I was walking towards.

She shoots off her car concerned. "You okay Spence?"

I smiled internally. We have come a long way in three weeks. "Yeah, I'm good just swallowed wrong." Dodged that bullet, now it's my time for recovery.

I caught her as she rolled her eyes slightly, undoubtedly smirking because of my "adorableness".

She began laughing to herself as we sat in her car and she cranked it up shifting the gear into drive and speeding away towards her mansion. We had driven at least 2 miles and she was now gently giggling to herself, what could possibly be this funny. I was getting frustrated and feeling very embarrassed and vulnerable for some reason unknown to me.

"What's so funny?" I asked my voice cracked as my emotions shone through.

Overly confident and in a half giggle she replied. "It's the sunglasses isn't it?"

I turned to my left giving her a quizzical look. Sometimes I just don't get her. "What do you mean?"

She grinned in an almost cocky fashion. Actually I'm damn sure it was a cocky fashion. "The glasses add a sense of mystery to me and the girls just swoon."

I repeated her action and rolled my eyes and then shifted my glance back out the window, or where one would be had the convertible top not been down along with the windows. For the rest of the drive to her house I just reveled in the feeling of my hair whipping around in the wind, being free but contained all at once.

Pulling up to the Davies mansion I let a sigh escape my lungs. Home sweet home the only place I truly feel safe. Ashley had taken me in to her home and in a weird way it had become our home. I may not know the ends and outs of her parental relationship or have been in every room of her house but it was ours. Two lost people had found each other and formed a bound that would last through anything.

My blue eyes watched greedily as the brunette made her way to the oak front door. For I sat in the car with the leather capturing the suns heat, still buckled and lost in thought, she turned to look at me then shook her head and bugged her eyes out a little, my signal that she was waiting on me. In defeat I unbuckled and hoisted myself out of the car not bothering to use the door, that's what a normal person would do, how boring.

The chemistry between us flowed like water powerfully charging the seemingly dark mansion, lightening the mood; surely if it was needed we could power the whole city. We just clicked it was unmistakable. She led me by the hand into a back room of the house that I had never set foot in before. It was lavish and filled with nice furniture the room just screamed subtle yet controversial.

"Ash, where are we?" It was one of the only rooms in the house that screamed 'My parents are loaded' and I wasn't sure I liked it. Granted this was a mansion and Ashley's room was as big as two rooms in my house she had simplicity about her.

"I wanted to show you and tell you everything before I lost my nerve and its best that we are surrounded by something that relates." She was nervous and rambling a side of her that I didn't particular like because it meant she was an ass hair away from running.

"Well for your sake let's get this ball rolling." She nodded gently and clenched her jaw then turned to walk through a door I hadn't previously seen.

Holy shit. She had led me into a gigantic, beyond belief, sound room filled with every instrument imaginable. I had to fit my urge to sit at the piano or pick up the nearest guitar; this was about her not me. Honestly, I could say I was confused as to why we were clearly standing in her father's recording room or well one of them.

"I didn't know this room existed." Great silence breaker right there but it did nothing for the tension.

"It was my fathers. He recorded every album in here. That's not the point though." She looked at me then blinked me away as if I hurt her, but I knew it was to hide the pain in her eyes.

"Ash, you can tell me."

She sat on the piano bench, her eyes still adverted, and I proceeded to stand waiting for her to let the truth just flow out of her. A sharp intake of breath and a single tear were the signs I was waiting for.

"My father, Raife Davies, was a musician of the sorts. He could play any instrument imaginable. He settled as a lead guitar player in a band that soon hit it big. My mother, Christine, was a groupie for dads said band and had a fling with him. Long story short 9 months later me, the little bundle of joy I am, was born."

I was confused, why in the hell was she telling me this? She read my body language and made to continue.

"Dad was constantly immersed in music, every aspect of it but when I came along he was forced to be a father too." She flung her arms up in the air and looked around the room. "He had this specially built so he and the band could record but he could still be a father."

I watched as her lip trembled and she bit it to hold back tears or weeping sobs. I took a step forward, a comforting gesture, but I had yet been told why I would have to comfort her.

Ashley choked back a sob then continued. "One night, I was about 11; I had wandered into here in search of my dad. He wasn't here but dads other guitarist Mike was hanging around messing with some chords and lightly singing along. I startled him but he quickly recovered and approached me for a hug. I saw nothing wrong with it because my dad's band members were as good as my family, in fact they were. Mike reeked of alcohol I can still remember it like it was yesterday. From the hug he picked me up and carried me over to the couch grabbing his guitar on the way. I stayed with him as he taught me three guitar chords he believed I had the talent of my father running through my blood." She paused and I jarred forward another step but stopped when she looked directly at me. "I was in there for thirty minutes roughly and was getting tired so I excused myself from Mike and made to leave but he pulled me back."

Ashley let out a loud body racking sob and in an instant I was by her side with her in my arms. After minutes of holding her she turned out of my embrace and held one of my hands in hers.

"He kissed me." My jaw dropped but she continued. "First it was on the cheek and I tensed at his action I know he felt it but he continued. He traveled my jaw line and then down my neck. I attempted to back away but he held me firmly in place. I began crying and just trying to tune it out. I was helpless as he touched me." Her hand covered her eyes, once again shielding them from me. "He never went passed touching but everything he did was wrong and he knew it. Minutes afterward he gripped my upper arms in his strong hands and shook me back and forth threatening me so I wouldn't tell." Cries spread through her body and once again she allowed me to hold her. I couldn't offer comfort by words for they eluded me but I could hold her close forever. Her head was rested in the crook of my neck and she continued to talk from there. "I considered telling my dad but I didn't think he would believe me so I kept it to myself. I never told a soul until now."

I pulled her closer offering the only condolence I had. I suppose now, one day, I'll have to explain everything about myself to her. She stopped crying and pulled away breaking our closeness. Ashley stood up and headed towards the door we had walked through not bothering to explain or tell me to follow. She was avoiding.

I sped after her only to find her in the kitchen. She had the fridge open and as I approached and stood close behind her I could see an array of items. She stared absentmindedly into the fridge as if she had asked a question and was waiting patiently for an answer. Words still hid from me so I took to surveying the invention in front of us. I saw ketchup mustard and every condiment thinkable and eggnog, no telling how long that has been there considering it was nowhere near Christmas.

Suddenly she closed it and backed away and into me. I wonder if the fridge had answered her question and insulted her in return. A cabinet door flew open as she pulled it open to forcibly. Spencer you need to think of something to say before she completely shuts you out.

"Want a hoho?" Her voice was completely calm and composed which scared the hell out of me.

"A what?"

"You know a Hostess snack cake"

I gave her my best 'what the fuck' look and suddenly felt rushed with words. "Ashley stop avoiding this. You just told me the one thing you have never confided in anybody and now you are offering me a snack cake. I'm here for you, I understand more than you I could but you have to let me be here for you."

My words stung with truth and she knew it that's why she burst into tears and crumbled into a ball on the floor. I joined and held her in my arms until she calmed. The emotion overwhelmed her and she drifted into a light sleep. Instead of waking her I carried her to her room, her sanctuary. Upstairs and down the hall a few paces and through a door on the right I laid her in her bed then gently took her shoes off. As I laid a blanket over her she stirred and looked at me with pleading eyes. I knew what she wanted. I kicked my converses off and pushed them to the side before I crawled up the bed and rested beside her staring at the ceiling. She, however, wasn't satisfied and turned on to her side giving me a very obvious hint that I was thankful I caught. Lifting the edge of the blanket I scooted close to her lining up our bodies but still not satisfied she reached back to grab my hand and place it over her body. Ashley intertwined our fingers and drifted off to sleep as I encased her with safety. When I was certain she was asleep because her breathing evened out I placed a soft kiss on the nape of her neck and told her that I loved her.


	14. Catalyst

Chapter 14

I'm not quite sure why but at that moment I had to have her near me, have her hold me close, protecting me. Now that I have opened her up and adjusted everything she has morphed herself into, she expresses things so much more with touch. It's almost as if she cannot find the right words so she just lets her body do the talking. From a subtle touch of my arm or more recently initiating a hug she's just changed. The scary thing is that I'm addicted to her touch.

I baited the hook and got her to hold me in the most innocent but intimate ways. Granted I had to fight the urge of turning in her arms and kissing her lips I was truthfully content with her amount of touch. I felt myself drift off into a peaceful sleep with her words resonating in my ears and a small shiver passing through my body as she kissed my neck.

********

Melodic music fills the room passing over everything like smoke. The notes played are familiar but elude me as I try to recall where I heard them last. Soon an angelic voice, undoubtedly female, rises up harmonizing and singing with the music. Motivated by the melancholy sound I stand from my bed and walk towards it.

I am led out of my room and down the hallway then I proceed to glide down the stairs as if I had become part of the music. My brain takes over as I walk automated towards the sound and the singer filling with fear as the song passes through me. The fear rises coinciding with the bile from my stomach it's all clear now. I pass down the last corridor and through two doors to find exactly what I feared only it's not like I thought it would be.

Spencer sits in the corner on a stool, leg crossed over the other, as she plays the guitar, the melody I was hearing upstairs, her voice accompanying her beautiful playing. I stood helpless; again, as I watched passed events unfold before my eyes. Mike continued his pattern of touching on a younger version of the person I am today and there was nothing I could do to stop it. I tried, I ran forward gripping his wrists to try and rip his hands away but he didn't budge an in a last ditch effort I tried to carry my younger self away from him, again no matter what I did nothing changed.

I cried, as if my life depended on it, every emotion I felt then now flooded my body making the barriers I had built jello. I caved within myself, crying and mentally kicking my stupidity for bringing this big of a skeleton out of my closet. Fear tightened its grip around me and my breath stilled as my ribs cracked and punctured my lungs. This was the end.

********

The kicking frame in my arms shook me awake. I blinked numerous times to focus my eyes on the disturbance, it was Ashley. On instinct I pulled her closer and whispered soft comforting words to her for it was obvious she was having a nightmare. That idea quickly perished as she continued to kick and fight my arms, cue plan B.

"Ash. Ash wake up." She continued to fight to I turned her body over in my arms so she was facing me and escalated the sound of my voice. "Ashley wake up."

She stopped, stilled, completely calmed like before a storm. Her eyes were shut tightly and a look of pain tinged her countenance.

Unnerved by the site I leaned in to her hear and whispered. "Ashley."

The most unbelievably piercing sound I had ever heard filled the room making my hands shoot to cover my ears. I scrunched my face and peaked with one at the blonde as she stopped suddenly and opened her eyes. Her face was covered in a light sweat and she appeared to be shivering.

"Ash?" Things registered and she realized she was awake and suddenly in a quick movement she was in my arms, her face deep into my neck her hands gripping the front of my shirt. Breathless from the sudden movement I relaxed and pulled her closer to me. A very familiar action for us at this point one that I felt we both enjoyed, being close.

The shivers stopped racking her body and she pulled back from me letting her death grip on my shirt go, surely I would have her imprints on it until it was washed. Though it was dark I was still able to find her gaze and hold it determinedly while gently moving brown curls from cluttering her features. Moving the curls out of the way my hand lingered a second too long and my brain took over, I was cupping her face and advancing slowly. I was close enough to feel her breath on my lips as she was anticipating my next move. All caution hit the fan as I closed the distance and our lips collided in a long overdue show of emotion and passion but more so want. My tongue traced her bottom lip begging for entrance only to be denied by the sound of a phone ringing in the darkness.

"What time is it?" I asked quickly as my hands shot to my pocket fumbling to get my cell phone out.

"Uhmmm…10:30"

Shit, shit, shit, shit my head chanted as I filled with panic before answering my phone. "Hello."

"SPENCER CARLIN, WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU?" I sat up in Ashley's bed running my free hand through my hair and she sat up with me subconsciously tracing my spine.

"I'm at Ashley's she had a small crisis and I was comforting her and then we fell asleep from the emotion overload. I meant to call and ask if I could just stay the night here." It was worth a shot but I feared he would be pissed.

"Spencer I want you home this instant no if's, and's, or but's." And 'ding ding ding' I was correct what's my prize Jenna?

"Yes Sir" With that simple two letter sentence and no protest I flipped my phone shut and shifted to the end of the bed.

I leaned down and found the shoes I had discarded earlier and began untying them before I placed them on my feet. I just love my converses, so comfy. I felt the bed moved as Ashley shifted towards me in a comforting manner. Despite the events that would unfold at home I had a smile the size of California on my face as I turned to her.

"Take me home?" A suggestion that my heart wasn't in at all.

"Of course, I'm sure as hell not going to make you walk."

I cupped her face once more placing a gentle kiss on her lips before I left to avoid the conversation we both knew we needed to have. "Well hurry then and I'll be waiting in the car for you." I walked calmly to the door leaving her stunned in my wake but as I made it to the top of the stairs I took off at a run.

What the hell Spencer why are you running? Why did you kiss her? Oh shut up you have been waiting to do that forever. The door creaked open and in a slight jog she made her way to the driver's side of the car.

"Best get Spencer-ella home." She said with a nose wrinkling smile and a giggle.

"Very funny, just drive."

A short distance and we were soon parked outside of my house across the street. From the outside it looked so peaceful and almost normal but that was just an excellently build façade.

"Better hit the madness before it's too late." I pulled the handle towards me and the door popped open and I pushed to give enough space for me shimmy through considering I was lacking my pep and motivation from this afternoon. Not trusting myself to be close to her without taking drastic measures and never letting go I walked in front of the car heading towards my house after giving a hand wave and a verbal goodbye.

"'Spence?" her angelic voice called after me and I turned to see.

"Yea Ash?" She tilted her head in a 'come here' fashion and I walked towards her. She really does make things impossible.

I leaned down on the car waiting for her to speak. She stared into my eyes, searching for something until she found it. Ashley grabbed the nape of my neck and pulled my face to hers making our lips meet in the middle. They collided in passion, desire, with a ferocity I hadn't expected from her. She willed to deepen it and I obliged, what's a few seconds to make out, not like I had anything important waiting for me in the house. Reluctantly I pulled away for air and then eventually leave her. I pecked her once more on the lips telling her we would talk about this tomorrow and then I watched her as she drove away then took off in a dead sprint towards my front door.

I walked in to find Paula in the kitchen and Arthur pacing. It was strange seeing him home for once. Upon seeing me he approached menacingly but I was on cloud nine and no one could touch me.

"Where have you been?"

"I told you I was at Ashley's"

"You know better than just up and disappearing."

"I didn't disappear I have spent every afternoon for the past three weeks with her, Paula knows and you would too if you were ever home." Something inside me had snapped. I can't believe I just said that.

"You will respect me" Arthur spoke sternly.

"Arthur I have lost my respect for you years ago and you have no chance in hell of earning it back." Uh-oh maybe I went a little too far.

Arthur, quick as he was, popped me really quick in the jaw busting my lip instantly. I couldn't control it I started to laugh as I licked at my lip disposing of the evidence of his self satisfying act. He took it, as I knew he would, in a disrespectful manner and encroached on personal space only eliciting more laughter from me. He slapped me twice and shoved me against the wall. I had given up showing him the satisfaction but leave it to my brothers to once be men and pull him off of me. Oddly enough the beating I had taken had done nothing to lower my spirits and I was looking forward to tomorrow at school for more than just being out of my house. She was my catalyst for standing up to my father and in an indirect way a catalyst for my brothers who took their first baby steps to being men.


	15. Admit it

Chapter 15

Her lips were soft and destined to be on mine. Kissing her lips was like the flint of a lighter being struck and the flame igniting between us, it was natural. I fell into a peaceful sleep that night with her scent cluttering my senses and imagining her lips kissing me all over.

Now I was sitting impatiently in the quad starting to regret ever leaving her alone at her house last night. My mind was frantic thinking thoughts from both ends of the spectrum either she was too beat up to come to school, perfectly fine and being lazy, or dead. I shook my head furiously and then rubbed my eyes with my fingertips until I felt my phone vibrate against my leg eliciting a small giggle.

I peaked around over my shoulders making sure I didn't have an audience as I flipped open my phone to find a text from the one person I was dying to have word from. The message, after bypassing the who from and the phone number, simply said 'Music Room. Now.'

I did as her text commanded and headed towards the music room, the one place we called ours. As if it was set forth by some unknown rule, I walked in to find her back to me once again. I paused after entering a few steps and admired her frame. She was wearing dark skin tight blue jeans with her red stud belt topped off with one of many slim fitted black tees. Her blonde tresses, however, cascaded over her shoulders and down her back. Spencer was absentmindedly strumming the familiar tune, occupying her delicate hands.

I was staring in pure admiration when she turned slowly, connecting our gaze and electrifying the air around us. My eyes incessant need to blink is when I finally noticed her battered features, undoubtedly her father's handy work. No pun intended. She never failed to amaze me; here she was after being beat by her father the night before carrying her head high and smiling at me. I was almost dead certain that she only smiled with a sparkle for me. I felt the hairs around my face blow back in resistance to my quick start of walking forward towards the one person I care for the most.

Spencer placed the guitar in its stand then jumped off the front of the stage, her hair resisting the air like mine as she approached quickly. Meeting in the middle of the room I cupped her face with both hands kissing all the booboos better as her eyes fluttered closed at my touch and her hands rested lightly on my hips.

The last booboo I kissed I had to practically stand on my tip toes to reach. It was a small cut peaking out of her hairline on the crown of her head. My hands fell to rest around her neck as I drew myself back to see her. Her eyes were still lightly closed hiding the pool of ocean blue I desired to be lost in. the small hands resting on my hips pulled me forward into her frame, clashing our hip bones together in only a way ours could.

"Ash?" Spencer said in a tone of seriousness as she finally opened her eyes.

"Mhm" I replied lightly biting my lip.

She grinned losing all her seriousness. "You missed one"

I scoffed and pulled back enough for my brown eyes to scan her perfect features trying to place each spot I had already kissed. Giving into defeat I spoke up. "Where?"

Her grin simply grew to wicked proportions. "Here." Perfectly pink lips met mine in a fury of unbridled need. My hands found soft blonde locks, my finger becoming gently tangled with the passing seconds. I'm not sure when her hands snuck under the hem of my shirt but she was now tracing up and down the sides of my spine. We pulled apart with swollen lips and erratic breathing, only Spencer could get me so off track.

She stepped back slowly, letting her hands pass over my ribs as she slipped out of distance. I pouted instinctively and she gave me a cute 'I need distance for a second' look. I took her second to fix my shirt and try and shake the feeling she filled me with.

"I was thinking, last night, after you dropped me off. I…" She looked up into my eyes and then looked away for a moment but eventually wandered back. "I think if you can be honest with me than I can be honest with you."

I watched as she pinched the bridge of her nose and closed her eyes tightly and with a sigh motioned for me to sit. My jaw stiffened before I took my bottom lip in between me teeth and sat down. She, however, paced back and forth then stopped in front of me and exhaled fiercely.

"I'm just gonna get this over with because I don't think I'll ever fully be ready. I was raped." Then she sat down tapped her toes twice and sprang up and headed towards the stage.

I shot up sprinting quietly after her and pulling her into my arms. She wrapped her arms around my waist and cried silently spilling tears onto my shirt.

I held her like that for a few minutes until she calmed herself. Her tight grip around my waist relented and ran her soft delicate fingers under her eyes wiping away the eyeliner that had ran down her cheeks.

My mind went back into frenzy as I rolled the information around in my head. I looked at her then stuttered. "W-wh-when?"

Her countenance changed from pain to an expression I could not quite read. "Before we moved here." She exhaled forcefully. "I was the first one home that afternoon and I was rifling around the house looking for something and wasting time in general. The door bell rang so I went to answer it. It was Ben; one of moms coworkers and long time friend, so I didn't think much of it. Just told him she wasn't home yet and let him in to wait because he seemed urgent that he had something to tell her." Spencer shut her eyes tight and pinched the bridge of her nose once more.

"It's okay you don't have to tell me." I nodded reassuringly even though she wasn't looking.

"No, I think you deserve to know it's just difficult to say."

I curbed my first thought of arguing, telling her that it wasn't imperative that I knew, and just ran my hands up and down her arms in a comforting manner.

"I let him in and went back to my search around the house looking for whatever trivial thing I thought I needed back then. He had offered to help me and I told him that he needn't worry about it and I had it covered. I walked up the stairs and he followed me still insisting I let him help me. I'm not sure how it happened because after I walked into my room it gets all hazy, I suppose because I've spent all this time trying to forget it." Then she shrugged, her blonde locks bunching for a second until her shoulders relented back into a normal position.

"Babe, I uh…uhm…"

"Ash don't dwell on it. I just wanted you to know. You know, explain my hesitance to touch and anything overly intimate. I just I've spent the greater part of three years trying to forget that day. Forget what his hands looked like and his muscle stature, just everything and its difficult to say the least. He's ruined me for the rest of my life."

I was mulling through the mud puddle of details. Spencer and I have so much in common it was almost surreal. How can two such broken people heal in just the mere presence of the other?

"Did you tell anyone?" I sputtered the question out wishing I could take it back because this one simple question could open such a big can of metaphorical worms.

"I told my mum about a year ago but she didn't believe me. She's bound and determined that I just woke up one morning and decided to be like this." Her arms shot out in a 'look really hard at me' manner as to add effect on what she appears to be.

Acting on the first thing that came to my mind I pulled her close in a fierce hug determined not to let her go until everything was ok. This was sooner than I had expected because the bell rang for first block, or at least I think because I had not really been listening. I let her go and we headed to the doors that opened our protective bubble to a whole world of vulnerability. I placed my hand in hers and intertwined our fingers then placed a light kiss to her cheek before I broke apart to head towards my class.

"Spencer meet me at my car after school, you are staying the weekend at my place. We'll even swing by your house to get clothes or you can just wear mine."

I saw a small smile pull at the corners of her lips before she nodded in agreement and turned to head on her way.


	16. A Walk Through Hell

Chapter 16

The day passed hurriedly as my confession left me in a daze that caused me to walk around in an almost zombie like state minus the need for human brains. Ashley was the first person I trusted to tell, my best friend back in Ohio didn't even know what had happened. The way the brunette reacted knocked me off kilter. I half way expected her to hate me for waiting so long or not believe me because it matched her revelation in a way, but instead she embraced me and assured me that everything was ok. Reassurance was a new feeling to me, one I loved with caution.

Before I knew it the school day had passed and I found my feet traveling towards her car. The black one that always seemed to put me in a peaceful state where I believed nothing could harm me. Weird that a car could do such a thing, but I believe it was the wind blowing through my hair when the top was down and the sideways glances from the girl next to me. Familiar scenery zoomed by as the brunette sped towards my house in attempts to beat everyone home. She maneuvered the car with ease turning onto my street and slowing to a stop in front of my house.

Glen had beaten us home, probably skipping his fourth block, but what unnerved me was that my father was home too. I looked frantically over praying that Arthur was not looking out any of the windows before I tried to subtly signal to Ashley that we were done here. Thankfully she caught my drift as she saw Glen storm out the front door as I slouched in the passenger's seat to avoid being seen. We sped off down the street eventually turning down a different road to lead us towards her house. Now I know it's not possible but when we sped off I imagined us as nothing more than a ray of light, like they show speeding around a city.

It seems as if I blinked and then her house was in front of us and then her heavy oak door was just magically opened. My haze was still clearly fogging all my senses as I drifted through the frame.

"Hey, shoes off, mum has gone all psycho on me. Even had the carpet cleaned in the two minutes she was home."

I followed suit taking my shoes off next to her. Stepping on the heels was a terrible thing for the shoe and made them wear out faster, but honestly what person unties them? My jeans dragged the floor as I followed her small frame around her house, feet lightly passing over the cold hard floors as I was unmotivated to pick my feet up fully.

She stopped, my body halting only centimeters from running into hers, her eyes finding mine and the world faded away for that brief second.

"I want to check and see if the pool is clean. Jon was supposed to stop by but there is no telling who mom fires these days." She took one simple step forward and then looked back. "You have a pen or pencil on you?"

I laughed heartily for a minute ending with a smile before I shook my head at her completely random question. "No I didn't bring one, forgot to grab it before I left the house. Besides it's not like I concentrated at all during school."

She started walking opening the glass doors wide revealing the cleanest blue pool I have ever seen. Well from twenty feet it looked clean. Her fingers lightly encased my wrist pulling be forward to the edge of the pool. "If we spot a leaf then I will …laugh hysterically." Ashley said in a mocking tone that I believe her mother would have continued with a firing of the pool boy.

I peered over the surface of the crystal clear water not finding a single blemish. My torso jolted forward, imaginary hand prints in my shoulder blades from the impact. I twisted around mid air just in time to think 'fuck' before I crashed into the water fully clothed. Ashley had pushed me in but revenge would never taste sweeter. I had filled my lungs with the biggest breath of air imaginable before I was engulfed completely by the chlorinated water.

I allowed myself to sink long enough to give the impression I could have hit my head before I floated back to the surface my head in the water. I slowly counted trying to fight the urge to spring up and breathe in the sweet mixture of elements that kept me alive daily. I felt the ripples pass through me disrupting the calm I was in as Ashley jumped into the pool after me. In mere seconds she had flipped my body over in the water making sure my head was above it before she dog paddled us towards the stairs of the pool. I had snuck a breath somewhere in the movement without her hearing me so I was set for a couple more seconds. Her left arm crossed along my shoulders cradling me to her while her other plugged my nose setting her to give me air.

I was peaking through my eyelashes watching in slow motion as her face closed in on mine but before she had the chance I smiled and took in air. What happened next I totally deserved I'll agree. The arm that was around my shoulder holding my head above water was quickly removed and my skull cracked the age of the pool and I also enjoyed a wave of chlorinated water up my nose for good measure. My nose burned and my head ached but somehow I saw through it all as I opened my eyes and found Ashley only a few feet into the shallow end.

"That was uncalled for. You really scared me Spence."

"I'm sorry. It seemed like a good idea at the time. I just didn't take in effect you'd give me a concussion." I blinked to keep focus as my left hand massaged my occipital.

"Sorry about that. Maybe I shouldn't have pushed you in. I mean hell I didn't take in consideration that you might not be able to swim."

"Of course I can swim." A small laugh escaping my lips. "Besides you know the idea of me wearing your clothes makes you hot and well I thought you needed cooling off."

Red tinged her cheeks briefly before I received another huge wave of water to the face. The pain in my head had subsided so I swam out into the shallow end to get close enough to dunk her. Payback for all the chlorine I inhaled. I felt satisfied for dunking her a few times and splashing the water into her face but swimming fully clothed gets tiresome. I swam back to the stairs and slowly walked up trying to balance the extra weight from the soaked clothes.

I stepped to small steps away from the pool and received a plea to come back. "You're leaving me?" I smirked as I turned and saw the pout on her perfect lips. Quick weigh your options: stay in the pool with a girl you've been gunning for from the beginning or be a prude.

"No I'm not leaving, but my clothes are." I turned back around peeling my t-shirt from my skin revealing my back to her along with the tattoo in between my shoulder blades. Next I unfastened my, now ruined, favourite leather stud belt before undoing my jeans and shimmying them off my hips allowing them to drop to the concrete at my feet. Her eyes burned singed all over my frame and finding no other reason to procrastinate I turned back around catching her stare and slowly walking back to the edge before diving in over the steps to meet her.

The top of my head breaking the water right in front of her. Our eyes meeting the minute I had finished moving my hair out of the way. I glanced into the eyes that had only moments before been memorizing my curves and valleys and I was overwhelmed with the want to at least have a fair peek. My right hand finding her lower back my left pulling her lips into mine. Both her hands rested on my hips pulling them into hers as she deepened the kiss tracing my bottom lip with her tongue. Instinctively my mouth opened granting access and freedom to explore for the both of us. I found that she was leading me backwards to the nearest edge holding on to a shred of control but when my back met the cold concrete edge I lunged forward into her and broke the kiss. She laughed softly before leaning into me searching for contact but I leaned my head back with a smirk on my lips.

Ashley groaned only fueling my desire but at the same time my urge to avoid her. My fingers, however, read my mind and played with the hem of her shirt and the soft taut skin of her abdomen. Her breath hitched and I grinned evilly before I tugged on her shirt lifting it up and off of her. Her shirt was tossed over m head landing in a random spot with a plop. My hands tracing the curve of her shoulders and then falling down the sides of her spine stopping when they found her lower back only to pull her into me.

Our hips met as our lips clashed sending waves through me. It's definitely safe to assume that I love kissing this girl. Eagerness shone through in her actions as her hands danced along my stomach slowly shifting south. In a swift movement I had stilled her hands, wrapping them around me as I placed soft kisses down her jaw line working my way to her ear. A moan, guttural and perfect, passed by her lips as I nibbled her earlobe and traced the outer ridge of her ear with my tongue. My normally timid hands unbuttoned her jeans under the water then proceeded to tease the skin. I swapped our positions leaning her back against the pool, my hands roamed down her still clothed thighs as I nipped down her neck. Ashley was writhing beneath my touch so when I stopped abruptly because the back gate opened she groaned at the loss of my touch. I backed away clearing my throat and covering my face to hide the blush. I'm all for touching her and making her squirm eventually dispersing pleasure throughout her body but not with an audience. Our adverted eyes met and I shifted mine to hint towards our audience member. Turns out it was the pool boy.

"Oh I'm sorry was I interrupting?"

"Just a little but that's okay we need to get out anyways."

I saw her hands button her jeans before she turned and lifted herself up and out of the pool. I followed suit swimming slowly towards the edge before I climbed the steps, collected my clothes and stood next to Ashley. Pool boy's eyes were burning holes into us both so she led the way through her house. We left behind wet foot prints and water splotches as if they were our bread crumbs back or the structure of a story yet to be told.


	17. A Walk through Hell cont

Chapter 16 other half

We ended up in her room still sopping wet and carrying the chlorine smell with us. Her air condition was working full force and I began to shiver as we both stood awkwardly in her room.

"Uh…bathroom's over there as you know. You can shower first and I'll pick out the clothes." A small grin pulled at the corners of her mouth as she finished talking.

I simply nodded before I walked the familiar steps to the bathroom then proceeded to strip the rest of my clothes off. I made sure the water was as hot as bearable for my skin before I hopped in. Somewhere in between my normal routine of cleaning and my daydreaming in the shower Ashley had snuck in and placed clothes on the counter so when I had finished they were waiting patiently for me. The clothes were simply a black tank top with black boxers to match, she was clearly taking my favourite colour too literally, but I'm not one to complain.

Ashley was laying on her stomach facing away from me, towards the TV, the channels flashing brightly in the room as she surfed through. She had clearly given up hope as to showering in her own bathroom and had found another. I know that I smell like her now but since I was preoccupying her space I wondered if she still smelt like, well her. Her smell alone was driving me crazy and now I was the one emanating the scent of strawberries and a hint of kiwi.

"Sorry for monopolizing your bathroom."

My laughter broke the silence as Ashley nearly jumped out of her skin at the sound of my voice.

"It's ok no worries we have plenty of other bathrooms to choose from." She had jumped up and was standing in front of me again, Yay awkwardness. "Well…do you want to watch a movie or something?"

"Sure. Do you have anything in particular in mind?"

So I do believe we have both proved that pure awkwardness ensues after you have spent the most pleasurable make out session in a pool. Whatever were we to do? Make out again, I completely agree.

Red eye is the movie we agreed on, simply on the terms that Rachel was hot and totally worth watching the movie for. We had popcorn and soda and some random candies only because Ashley's house was a damn movie theater if you knew where to look. The previews started and the green screen and other copyrights passed over the screen unnoticed by us both. Our hands were consuming all of our concentration as they inched closer and closer together. Pent up frustration flowed through my veins causing me to be short of patience so I gave up before our hands actually met to pull her into a fierce kiss.

The previews continued with no hitch as our lips collided together our tongues fighting for dominance over the other. Before, I was more of the take charge type but when she pushed my body back into the bed I didn't fight back. I let her have control, which seemed sensible; she already held all my trust. All the other girls I had been with I would get what I was looking for then leave with no attachment what so ever, and it was easy, but that split second between her lifting my shirt off and kissing up my abdomen really started my thoughts. Was I ready to give her all of me, let her touch me in the most intimate of ways? My mind raced as quick as my heart pounded and with no further thought I rolled her over and then sprang up from her bed.

Shirtless, my arms crossed over my chest as I paced back and forth in the hall retracing each previous step. Spencer what the hell has gotten into you? There is this extremely perfect girl in her bedroom who you were just making out with and Gah…

"Spencer what's gotten into you?" The timid voice flowed from the door but for a quick second I thought it was me again. I'm losing my mind I just asked myself the same question twice. Jesus… "I wish I knew." Great, now I'm answering myself.

"Want to talk about it?"

Thank god, it was Ashley; I may not be crazy after all. Except I'm still talking to myself.

"What's wrong? Was it something I did?" I could hear the fear in her voice and I was mentally kicking myself now. Shit.

"No Ashley. Gah. No I'm just thinking too much."

"If you wanted me to stop all you had to do was ask." Now the hurt was emanating.

"No it's not even that. I've…never mind."

"No, you've what?" Damn her, she knows I have to tell her everything. I need to fix that. Some things are just not meant to be said.

Mental sigh. "I've wanted you since our eyes first met. It sounds silly. Its sounds stupid but it's true."

Ashley's warm arms engulfed me and anything I had previously thinking or rethinking and over thinking flew out the window. I was safe in her embrace that was imperative now all I had to do was let go of my past and just be with her. The tension between us had been building since that first accidental kiss. I returned the hug, tightening my grip and then placing soft kisses up her neck to her ear.

"I'm sorry babe. I just panicked. I've never been this far with a person I truly love."

Was I rushing to tell her I loved her? May be so but at this particular point I didn't care. It was yet again the truth.

Her arms, if possible, tightened around me then I felt her teeth drive into the skin of my shoulder eliciting a small groan. What a reaction.

So after being interrupted by the pool boy and a brief shower and a lousy attempt at watching a movie we came full circle. Her body was pressed up against the wall my hands roaming everywhere. Her delicate hands were on my hips holding me firmly in to her as our tongues tangled. My lips were tingling from the amount of use and even though I love kissing her I needed air. She leaned in kissing my neck before sucking on my pulse point driving me completely insane.

"Ashley…bedroom."

Those were all the words that needed to be spoke and before I knew it was I was being thrust backward into her room and we both tumbled as my knees met the edge of the bed. My breath was still in short intakes often ending in a forceful pant but as she was now straddling my waist I momentarily forgot how to breathe. I loved the way her hair fell around her face and how her muscles expanded and contracted as she followed the motions of removing her shirt. The fully exposed torso showed scars at random places, some in perfect lines others looking hectic almost frantic. I knew what they were from she didn't need to explain. In her moment of vulnerability and the knowledge of my eyes scanning her she crossed her arms over her.

It was a simple swift movement and I had switched our places my mouth going in for a gentle assault of all her scars. My fingers traveled up both her arms guiding them above her head as my lips soon began a trek north to meet hers. It was a simple and sweet kiss before my lips darted back south kissing a trail between her breasts stopping just above her bellybutton. She gently squirmed beneath me as my hands had retraced their path downwards and grazed her nipples ending in an impatient rustle of her red boxers.

I quickly removed her underroos in one fell swoop, her thighs tightening as the sudden coolness hit them. My hands absentmindedly scraped up her thighs then her sides my vision following as well stopping only when I took one of her hardened nipples in the warmth of my mouth my tongue teasing and flicking over the tip.

"Fuck…" Was all I could make out of her breathy moan.

I smiled into her slightly before I moved up to her ear. "Tell me how bad you want? How bad you want to cum for me."

Her hips bucked into my leg giving me the answer I was looking for. I slide a hand down her body my fingers teasing her entrance before slipping easily in. Her legs instinctually widened granting me more access. My tongue darted out licking down her jaw line and passed her pulse point to trace her collarbone before circling around her other nipple. She writhed under me bucking and thrusting upwards determined to quicken the pace of my fingers. I relentlessly stayed at the same rhythm but added another finger and brushed her clit with my thumb, and a loud groan escaped her lips echoing through my ears lighting my body on fire. I felt her begin to tighten on my fingers so I curled and uncurled picking up my pace just barely. She thrust upwards moaning and screaming my name among other obscenities until her body fell back down exhausted from the ecstasy flowing freely through her. I climaxed with her without being touched beyond her nails digging into me and I also happened to be still fully clothed. This had to be a sign or just proof of how long I had been waiting for her.

I slithered back up her body laying fully on top of her planting soft kisses on her face until she opened her eyes and looked directly at me. The desire sifting away being replaced with exhaustion. I rolled on to my side licking my fingers clean when I was sure she was watching me and then pulled her close. She snuggled into my side after I tossed a blanket over us both.

"It may sound silly and it may sound stupid but I knew from the moment I saw you that we'd be together and it'd be great."

I smiled into her hair then placed a soft kiss on her head before finding the remote amongst us and shutting the movie we never intended on watching off.

"Ash, it's neither silly nor stupid. We were meant to be."


	18. Bout Damn Time

Chapter 17

The weekend passed in a cacophony of moans and groans along with missed phone calls from home. It's Sunday now but I was definitely putting off Ashley having to drive me home. Arthur was gonna flip but I just prayed that he wasn't home when I got there, why not prolong the agony.

Silently I was freaking myself out when all I wanted to do was procrastinate the inevitable so I could revel in my most favourite sensation in the world; Ashley cuddling into my body with my arms wrapped safely around her. God, I'm such a diehard romantic. Every so often she plants soft kisses on my neck which she knows drives me while, but she understands my reasoning for nothing further taking place at the moment. I had to go back, we both knew it.

I roused my muscles attempting to shift as less as possible when I made to sneak out of bed and get re-dressed and presentable.

"It is time?"

"Well I'm as ready as I'll ever be and I do have to go back sometime. Wouldn't want him to call the cops or something drastic."

Beep-beep, giggity-giggity, new text message. Cell phones on a rare occasion can totally be annoying. I tossed my shirt up over my head and shoulders pulling the hem even around my waist then stood to look for my pants which would lead me to my phone. Gotcha, they were in the corner where I threw them after I was dressed and quickly undressed last night.

"What'd we miss?" she asked pulling the covers up around her.

"Uhm, twenty-two phone calls, six voice mails, and about thirty text messages. Seems for once someone in my family decided to care about me."

"Someone's popular."

"Nah they're just jealous I'm with you instead of them." She smiled her contagious smile and I followed suit gleaming back at her. "But babe you do know I have to go home."

"I know." Beep. "Yours or mine?"

"Fuck another text from Glen, apparently I'm needed home NOW, as he puts it. I don't know what could possibly be so important."

A look of annoyance passed through her countenance before she scooted to the edge of her bed, standing, and then searched for her clothes.

She dressed and then we headed downstairs pausing to make out against the door before we left. Ashley has quickly become the single drug I could take forever and never die. I would need some sort of daily dose of her lithe frame flush against mine as her petite hands roamed my body, and my tongue darting out to taste her lush lips or toned abs, devouring her flesh as it pleased. It had been one weekend and I was already addicted, she was my heroin.

The wind tossed my about refreshing my senses that were once clouded with lust. Saying it was calm before the storm was pushing the truth but if you consider my nerves at peace this very instant then that saying holds some truth. The majority of the weekend was peaceful in its own right and now, like when we moved from Ohio to the chaotic LA, I was returning from my lovers den to the distress of my own house.

Ashley stopped the car across the road from my jail of brick and wood planting one final quick chaste kiss to my lips before wishing my luck.

"Call me when the fires burn out."

"Will do. Let's just hope it's quick and easy, painless if possible."

"Hey Spence," She trailed her voice fading to the small breeze around us.

"Yeah?"

"This weekend, it meant a lot to me."

"Me too Ashley."

My hand cupped her cheek lightly pulling her lips to mine our lips colliding in an electrifying embrace. I reluctantly broke the kiss jumping out of the car without using the door and running into slay my dragons.

Breathe in. Breathe out. Here goes nothing. My fingers wrapped around the cold brass door handle my thumb hesitant in applying he pressure to open the alternate universe my family lived in. I filled my lungs with one deep breath preparing myself to face the hell hidden behind the red wood front door.

"Glen Carlin, how could you accuse your father of such an action?" My mother's shrill voice penetrated my ears the minute I entered the door.

"Accuse? I saw him. Accusation implies that it's my word against his. I saw him with her… with my own two eyes. In our house; the house we share as a family and he's desecrating it." My brother was clearly enraged that's the first time I've seen his eyes dilated with anger since he finally stepped up to be a man.

"Look Glen what you saw…it's not what you think." Arthur's voice faltered briefly before returning to its normal level of harshness.

"No dad, I know what I saw." A look of repugnance tainted his features as he recalled the scenes. "You had your…and she was…ugh I'm not going into detail."

I stared blankly from the foyer at my brother and two parental units they had no noticed my yet but when they did I'm sure at least Arthur would unleash some pent up fury. Apparently the important of my coming home was to find out Arthur had cheated on Paula. Not a surprise really and I could care less about his indiscretions. They all continued to bicker back and forth about what Glen did or did not witness, truthfully this was all just boring me so I headed upstairs for a shower.

The ardent water soothed any soreness present in my muscles as I lost myself to reminiscences of this past weekend. After following through with all the normal shower procedures I was standing arms out and face in the water. I was wasting away all the hot water, I had been in here long enough to begin to shed some sympathy for the person after me.

"SPENCER CARLIN! GET YOUR ASS DOWN HERE RIGHT NOW!" Arthur's voice broke the peace I was relishing in.

Well the storm had to arrive sometime. I slipped out of the shower wrapping a towel safely around me before I tiptoed back into my room quickly dressing and leaving my hair to air dry after giving it a once over drying with the towel. Slowly I walked up the hall to my doom then bounded down the stairs to meet my father in the living room.

"You screamed."

"You're grounded." Her spoke evenly and without looking at me.

"Whatever."

"That means school, home, and no Ashley." He turned a page of the newspaper.

"Then tomorrow after school I'm not coming home. You hit me and now apparently you've cheated on mom and I'm not going to let you take the one person that makes me happy away."

He shot up from the couch, his fuse lit and burning quickly. "You will do as I tell you. I am still your father."

"No, you were never my father. You are the worthless piece of shit that helped conceive me and then left."

"I'm still here. I still pay for everything you wear and eat."

"You were never here. All you cared about is whatever pointless shit you do during the day. You never cared if I was alive, if you did you would have never hit me." The silence floated around us after my words registered with him. I was right he knew it. Today was the day that in his mind, he fell from grace. The only question is from here can he change or has been this way for too long that's it's in his nature. I turned on my heel, a silent tear falling down my face. Arthur was left standing stunned in my wake the truth of my words bouncing around his subconscious.


	19. Tonight We Murder the Memories

Chapter 18

Arthur slammed the front door behind him as he stormed away infuriated. He had grabbed his jacket on his way but he had unknowingly left his keys on the table. I glanced over to mom wringing a towel around in her hands as she leaned on the door frame a look of panic in her eyes. The last time Arthur had stormed out he came home obliterated after a night at the bar so mom had Glen Clay and me hiding in a crawl space upstairs away from his reach. He hit her that night, I'm 100% sure but back then I didn't know it because I was only about six or seven. It would be about five years later before he hit me; I suppose I reminded him of his wife.

The tension in the air grew as Arthur reappeared in the house knocking a hole in the wall behind the door. He was absolutely seething but luckily for us he just grabbed his keys and left again. I looked back at Paula the panic had now drained the entirety of colour from her face. Her eyes, darkened with fear, met mine.

She spoke in the tiniest of voices I could have imagined. "Get your brothers down here, please?" I nodded and quietly headed towards the stairs.

The climb up the stairs seemed to take so long. I exerted so much effort that it felt like I was walking through a frozen time period, like everything around me was frozen in place and I was breaking all the rules as I continued to walk. My knuckles met their doors as I knocked and told them each the same thing and then turned on my heel and walked the slow walk back down stairs.

Paula was in the same position and if it were possible her face was drained of more color. I stood close to her watching as tremors passed through her and then without question I hugged her. Her frame went rigid and I guess my contact was a shock to her but she had to see that since I've met Ashley that I have changed. As the shock subsided her arms encased me in a strong embrace.

"Did we come downstairs to see you two hug for the first time in years?" Glen, always an ass.

I pulled back at the mentioning of my affection and stood a far distance from all three of them.

"No Glen. I wanted you three to find a place to stay for tonight maybe even tomorrow too. Arthur, your father, is really upset and I don't want you kids home." Definitely the last thing I expected to hear her say.

Glen and I stood in shock leaving it to Clay to be the sensible one. "But mom, what about you?"

A wry smile pulled at moms lips only briefly before she spoke. "No worries kids. I know of someone who will let me spend the night."

The three of us exchanged looks. Paula had not made close friends since we moved her. Arthur was always in control even with who she was 'allowed' to know.

"Who?" Glen asked our question.

"Well you remember Ben, from Ohio, well he moved down here recently."

My stomach rolled with nausea as my breath came in short quick gasps. I was hyperventilating just from the mentioning of his name. I thought I was passed this. Less than ten minutes ago, if you had asked me, I would have confidently said that her no longer had control over me, but that was before I found out he had moved here. What was I to do? I needed Ashley. Finally from the lack of oxygen I fainted, my safety mechanism that allowed my body to reset.

I consciously held my eyes closed for as long as possible. Maybe if I didn't open them then this would have all been a dream. I was praying.

"Hey mom, I think she's coming to." GOD DAMN IT GLEN WHY CANT YOU JUST LEAVE ME ALONE!

Busted. I opened my eyes cautiously and then shot up from the sofa when I saw mom advancing on me with Tylenol and other assortments of medical candy.

"Uh hey, I know where I can stay. So I'm going to grab some things and then head to Ashley's if that's ok?

"Oh ok honey, are you sure you don't need these?" Paula asked as she held the Tylenol and glass of water towards me.

I looked then turn and ran up the stairs. I have to get out of here right now. I ran into my room and fell back against the door and slid down into a heap on the floor. Spencer get it together. I mechanically slid my phone out of my pocket and automatically dialed the familiar number.

It rang once, then twice, and on the third ring I started panicking. "Hey babe has the stormed stilled?"

"Come and get me?" I know I sounded urgent and panicky, well truthfully, because I was.

"I'll be right there, don't move Spence. Whatever is wrong I promise it will be ok."

I closed my phone and sat in shock my back against the door. Don't worry Spencer your beautiful knight in all her shiny armor will be here soon. I'm not completely how much time did or didn't pass all I cared was that the person pushing open my door was Ashley.

"Hey Spence, what's wrong?" I looked up at her and I could feel my eyes were empty. I wonder if she could tell and I'm sure she could.

"Can we just get out of here? I'll explain when we are far away."

"Anything you want. Do you care where we go?"

"No as long as you are with me."

I saw a smile brighten her face and I tried my damndest to smile back, if only to prove that I wasn't completely broken.


	20. Lightbulb

Chapter 19

As cliché as it is, especially when you live in So Cal, we ended up at the beach watching the sun fall peacefully down below the horizon. I sat down in the sand, almost collapsed but she sat behind me and pulled me close into her. The car ride had been completely silent and Ash hadn't pressured me in any way to tell her what was wrong. I leaned back with my head on her shoulder my face close to her neck. The sun had set a long bit ago but we continued you to just sit in silence.

The quiet emptiness had been long enough and it was now the time for me to hold the panic back as I explained everything to her.

"He moved to L.A."

I felt her shift so she could see my face. "Who?"

Well I suppose I can't expect her to be telepathic. "Ben." My voice betrayed me. So much for being calm.

She pulled me close and hugged me tight, reasons to why I love her so. "Are you okay?"

"I will be. Just was floored when Paula told me. Oh, do you mind if I stay with you a couple of days?"

"Mi casa y su casa"

I felt a small laugh escape my throat. "Thanks."

"Won't Arthur be pissed?"

"No he is why I need to stay somewhere other than home. Before you ask, long story short, Arthur has a temper and well Paula wants all the kids out of the house which brings us here because we were worried about her being home and she said she would stay with him."

"Oh, makes sense now."

I eased back into my spot on her shoulder and kissed her neck. I hadn't noticed earlier with my heart racing but tonight the moon was full and bright. Good things happen on full moons, sometimes. With an idea itching me down to my bones I sprung up and brushed all the pesky little sand particles off and then offered her my hand.

"I have an idea."

Ashley took my hand and I pulled her up into me kissing her lips fully. I felt her hands push me away slightly so I broke the kiss and danced around.

"What has gotten into you Spence?"

"Ash I told you, an idea."

"Which is?" I couldn't clearly see all her features but I am quite certain I earned myself a 'what the fuck' look.

"We throw a PARTY!"


	21. Sophmoric

Chapter 19 second half

"I don't get it Spence, since when are we celebrating Ben's homecoming or Arthur's abusive streak"

"We aren't. The party is for us survival and getting completely trashed."

"Who said I was going to allow drinking?" I'm aware normal parties have alcohol and it's not something you can stop, but does she honestly think I'm going to let her drink herself into oblivion?

"Well fine, I'll just find a party to attend." God Spencer knows just how to push the right buttons.

"Spence, fuck, no fine I'll throw the party. Someone has to watch how much you drink. Since clearly you feel like being completely stupid and try to drink away your problems." What have you gotten yourself into Ashley?

I watched as Spencer danced about to a beat only she could hear soon her way to my car. I was going to through this party for her but it was going to be on my terms. Alcohol was allowed, not that I could change that, but Spencer would have a limit. Any bystander would probably already consider her drunk but she's running scared in the worst possible way.

By the time we had arrived back at my house I had called the majority of people in my cell phone alerting them of the party. The rules were that there were only two you bring your own alcohol or don't drink and when I said the party was over then it was over because my word was law. I had even invited Aiden even though he didn't seem like the partying type he may be able to help me.

Spencer had beaten me to the front door and stole me keys as I got close. She unlocked the door tossed me the keys and ran upstairs. So much for calm before the storm she was damn near hyperactive.

"Spence!" I yelled, somewhat crestfallen, up the stairs after her.

I threw my arms up in frustration putting on a temper tantrum no one would ever see before I ran up the stairs to find her trying on different outfits I owned.

"What are you doing? Spencer this isn't like you."  
>She couldn't have possibly found a more sluttish outfit and I know my closet along with all the old clothes I used to wear.<p>

"Then you don't know me Ashley." Now that hurt but I can't hold it against her.

"No I know you Spencer but your pretty damn unpredictable when you fall to pieces."

"I'll have you know I'm not I just wanna have fun. Is that so damn bad?"

"No but you're trying to drink your pain away and that's bad Spencer trust me I know."

"I'm not you Ashley."

"I know and I wouldn't want you to be."

That pushed a wrong button so I stormed out of the room. I didn't want to be here and I sure as hell didn't want to be throwing a party but if I don't protect Spence then no one will. I was in the music room sitting at my drum set before I had even realized it. Since I told Spencer about everything this room was so much easier to be in.

I played a few sets of beats with extra double bass added in along with more cymbals before I found myself playing a song from a local band. My frustration had subsided and I toned the music down ending with a bit of Killola.

"Feel better?" A male voice said through the dying down of my beats.

"Yea, I feel better Aiden."

"What got you so worked up?" Ha. More like who. I turned to see a completely made over 6 foot tall and completely hansom dark haired dreamy, Aiden.

"Uh…You look different."

He laughed nervously. "Yea l-l-long story. I'll tell it to you l-later."

I spared a refreshing laugh. "Ok. But yea to say Spence is falling to pieces in an understatement. We just got into an argument over…I'm not exactly sure what. I'm going to need your help."

"I'm here for you both."

"Well with who's coming to the party and how you can clean up so nicely I may lose you to an extremely hot chick."

I saw red creep into his cheeks before I grabbed his hand and pulled him out of the room back into the main part of the house. "How'd you get in anyways?"

"The door was unlocked, I hope you don't mind. I'm sorry if I intruded but it was unlocked and I heard you playing so I just let myself in."

"Chill Spaz, it's ok I don't mind."

"Ok good. So let's see her."

I led the way up the stairs halfway scared to see what we were looking for. Spencer had found a mellower outfit obviously listening to her sensible side and had passed out on my big pillows in front of the TV. I side-eyed Aiden to find him halfway amused by the scene before him then looked back at Spence as she moved in her sleep.

"Look like the party is cancelled." He said reading my thoughts.

"Good. The only shame is I don't get to show you off." For the second time blushes tinged his cheeks. If I wasn't gay I'd find Aiden attractive.

"Cancel! What, no you can't. I was just resting. Oh MY GOD Aiden is that you?"

I muttered, "Damn.", while Spencer consumed Aiden in a never ending hug.

Thirty minutes later and my house was the equivalent of a popular club. Bodies danced close creating a heat that ate the house. I have no idea what I agreed to but I was doing it to the best of my knowledge. I kept random skanky couples out of my various bedrooms and everything on the back half of the house was locked. I even kept an eye on my mother's most expensive treasures making sure they didn't get stolen or broken. The hardest thing was watching for Spencer. She was sporadic and would be in one room and then on the complete opposite of the house. I followed making sure nothing got to heated between her and a random guy or even girl. This all was breaking my heart but as the music pulsated around me I had to keep reminding myself that this wasn't my Spencer this was the guarded super vulnerable Spencer who was running away from major issues.

The majority of the night was a complete head aching, music pulsating, and alcohol smelling pain in my skinny ass. Having finally had enough I broke up the party, what was left, around 2a.m. I escorted groups of drunken teens out of my house and called cabs for a few before I basically carried Spence upstairs into my room.

"Aiden?"

"Yea?" His voice had come from the sofa in my room. "I was just resting my eyes for a minute Ash."

I owe him all the thanks in the world for this. "No, it's ok Aiden go ahead sleep."

He mumbled something I couldn't quite make out so I went on my way collecting much needed things. I found a bucket, aspirin, a glass for water later, and pjs to change Spence into. I struggled to change her as she fought to stay comfy.

"You can be a real pain in my ass. It's a wonder why I love you so." I randomly spoke aloud finally getting her arm into the correct spot and pulling her shirt down. "Night Spence, although I'm sure you'll regret this in the morning."

I lay down next to her trying to forget this evening and just relax. Damn near impossible. After watching the clock tick its digital minutes away I finally fell asleep around five but was quickly awakened to a heaving Spencer.


	22. Glue Back the Pieces

Chapter 20

"Spencer it's ok. Don't fight it, it will always win. The bucket…is...right…" I gave up talking to her; it didn't appear that she was listening anyways. She found the bucket, thank god, and I patted her on her back and held her hair. Everything calmed so I assumed this was my best bet to get that glass of water.

"Spence, Hun, I'm going to get you a glass of water and I'll be right back. I promise"

She nodded or mumbled I'm not really sure but I left as quickly as possible and was back in a flash with the glass filled and a cold wash cloth. Spence is lucky that I'm here to take care of her because when I was in her shoes I didn't have that luxury.

I spoke in the softest of whispers very aware of how her head must feel. "Hey Spence when you think your tummy can take it I need you to take this aspirin." I handed her the cold wash cloth guiding her back on the bed slowly she could rest. "I'm gonna…clean this and I'll be right back. Aiden is right over there if you really need someone although he seems pretty dead. Oh and the aspirin is on the table beside you."

I went about the grotesque duties of cleaning out the bucket and when I returned the aspirin was gone as well as half the glass of water. Spencer was resting peacefully, for now, only slightly disheveled from last night's events. I firmly decided that I was awake and that the house most likely needed a thorough cleaning so I would hop on it after telling Aiden that he was in charge of sleeping beauty for awhile.

"Aiden." I tapped his shoulder earning a grunt, "Aiden." This time I poked him rather hard in the ribs and he woke.

"What Ash?" He said groggily fighting the sandman's great attempts to pull him back into the land of sleep.

"She's at peace for the moment but I need you to stay halfway alert while I'm cleaning around the house, okay?"

He looked up at me with one eye open. "She's dead but you want to alert you when she turns into a zombie?"

At times like these all you can do is shake your head, so that's what I did, tossing my not so straightened hair around. "No you idiot, she's just not puking her stomach up. God you are such…a boy."

He rubbed the sleep out of his eyes like a little kid would and I couldn't help but smile. "Chill Ashley I got this. You go have fun cleaning."

I whispered, "Ass," loudly over my shoulder when I left the room.

The downstairs and the house in general weren't in as bad condition as I thought it would have been. Luckily for me I stumbled across the neat partiers if there ever was such a thing. It only took a trash bag and a half to clean my entire downstairs and I added in some irrelevant things I have been meaning to get rid of for awhile. I had taken the trash out, dusted, and started thinking of cooking breakfast two hours later but I settled for plopping down on the coach to rest my tired feet.

I shut my eyes for the quickest of seconds and the next thing I know I feel someone cuddling into my side and later a blanket being added on top of us. It all could have been a dream but when I came to sometime later I found Spencer next to me and indeed we had a blanket over us. A sigh escaped and I pulled Spence closer; I was comfortable and didn't want to move. My nose caught the tail of the most scrumptious smelling something that I have ever smelt and my mouth watered just thinking about it. My stomach growled alerting me to just how hungry I was and I just had to discover what smelled so delicious. I escaped Spence's arms placing a soft kiss to her forehead and then nearly sprinting I found my way to my kitchen.

Aiden was cooking. Aiden was cooking breakfast. "I didn't know you could cook." I spoke without thinking in complete shock and I startled him and he jumped clattering some pans around.

"Jesus Ash, you scared me." The nice button up shirt he wore last night was now open revealing a white wife beater that hugged his perfect abs. "Cooking is another thing I learned from my sisters. Well let's say I had to teach myself."

I've known Aiden since we were in middle school but I definitely don't remember him having sisters. "Sisters?"

He turned around with the pan and spatula in hand. "Yea, I have two." Then he expertly flipped the pancake.

"Aiden I've known you for almost forever. I don't remember you having sisters."

"Well my parents split before mom moved me here. But times were never good in the Dennison household which is why I cooked for them. They're younger than me and our parents were never home. Someone had to take care of them." He simply shrugged and continued cooking removing the finished pancake and pouring more onto the pan.

This was all a little too much to take into at once. "Oh." Now my brain had to decipher it all.

"Don't worry Ash it's not a touchy subject for me. Anyways yea this…" He turned around this time cookware free and gestured up and down to his clothes. "Was my sisters' handiwork."

I nodded my head. "I see, well you look nice. I never realized you were so in shape."

He blushed for the umpteenth time and I chuckled to myself.  
>"I believe we have a visitor." He tilted his head towards the kitchen entrance.<p>

I turned and there she was my perfect, hung-over, and yet still beautiful blonde girlfriend. She looked worse for the wear but her blue eyes shone apologies. "Look I'm sorry for last night Ashley. I said some things I don't really remember and acted like an ass through and through but I wanted to thank you for…not leaving me."

Spencer fell to pieces that was clear even to her but we weren't on the same page because I would have never left and she needs to know that. I wrapped my arms around the taller girl and held her close. "I would have never left you Spence, know that. You can't push me away."

I heard her sniffle and shift slightly in our embrace before she spoke. "I don't want to push you away. I like us right where we are even if I am broken beyond belief."

I had to see her eyes. The blue was clear of anything that could hinder her. All I saw was clarity. "I'll try my damndest to help you heal." I kissed her lips quickly as Aiden cleared her throat to be acknowledged. "But as for now…" I held her with one arm as my other pointed to him.

"BREAKFAST!" He shouted rather enthusiastically and I felt Spencer cringe in my arms.


	23. Fairy Tales

Chapter 21

Breakfast went off without a hitch. Aiden had served us at the abnormally large dining room table even though we only took up a corner. He had cooked the most delicious breakfast consisting of pancakes topped with syrup (optional) and fresh fruit of anything you could think of with orange juice, milk, or coffee. Spencer had hit up a very large cup of black coffee and a pancake but I on the other hand had a bit of everything.

"This was absolutely wonderful Aiden. I'll have to have you over more often."

"Don't be misled my specialty is breakfast after that all I'm good for is pasta." He smiled his full toothy grin and then started to pick up the empty dishes.

I jumped up hitting the table with my hip which caused me to shake the table but earned me a fulfilling grumble from Spencer. "Don't be absurd the cook never cleans." I snatched up two arms worth of dishes and then headed to the kitchen. I refused to let him wash the dishes but he was adamant to the point of just plain annoying that I had to let him dry the dishes. We were done in no time which is a wonderful feeling.

I walked quietly back into the dining room to find Spence sleeping with her head on the table her coffee mug still in hand. I smiled at her sheer natural cuteness and then left the room.

"Hey Aiden I'm gonna shower really quick. Keep an eye on her?" He looked over from the couch where he was reading a newspaper that I wasn't aware I owned and simply nodded in my direction.

I walked up the winding hardwood stairs and entered my room smiling to myself. Spencer even when she was completely thrashed and hung-over was absolutely adorable. I gathered some clothes from their respective places and then headed in for a quick shower.

I toweled off and wrapped the towel around my frame then took an extra towel to my short hair. I plugged in the flat iron and was just about to blow dry my hair when a phone I didn't recognize rang from within my room. I stumbled in and around my room looking for it but by the time I found it the voicemail had already taken effect. I flipped open the phone habitually and found three missed calls and one new voicemail. After I closed out the alert screen I could tell it was Spencer's phone because the background was a picture I had sent to her phone. I carried it back into the bathroom sitting it on the counter as I dropped the towel and dressed in my bra and undies before I blow dried my hair.

After I dressed fully in a pair of ripped jeans and a black tank top I grabbed Spence's cell and headed downstairs to find a sleeping blonde beauty now on the couch and Aiden reading a miscellaneous book.

"Did she wake?" He peered over the top of the book and looked at me a few seconds.

"No but I figured she'd have one hell of a neck cramp if I just left her there."

I smiled. "Well she's lucky to have someone so considerate to watch after her while I was showering."

My eyes never left her as I walked around to sit on the edge of the sofa. She looked so peaceful but the three missed calls from the same number seemed to be of due importance despite her hung-over state. She was snuggled into the couch pillows with an arm over her eyes blocking the sun. I leaned into to her ear and kissed it before I moved her arm hoping she would wake but when she didn't I said her name in a gentle whisper. "Spencer." She didn't stir a single bit so I rolled her torso over she was on her back. "Spencer." I said in a more of a forced whisper.

Spencer tightened the muscles in her face and then forced her eyes open her clear blue eyes looked right up at me. "Hmm?"

The corners of my mouth pulled my lips up into a smile like they normally do when I look at her. "Babe you have three missed calls and a voicemail. I thought you might want to check it out. See if it's important."

Her eyes closed as she tried to stifle a small yawn. "Just put it on speaker phone. The voicemail code is just the standard one." I nodded and dialed her voicemail waiting for the rings to stop and then I punched in the code and turned the speaker phone on so she could hear. The phone was lying open on my hand in the middle of us as we waited for the voicemail.

A manly voice broke the silence. The stranger's voice gave the impression of power and self confidence even just by saying 'hi'. Hi Spencer, this is your mother's old friend Ben. My eyes widen and Spencer sat up in the start of a panicked frenzy. She was hyperventilating just listening to him talk. She told me that you knew she was staying with me until…things blew over. I watched her carefully as she fought to control her breathing but she suddenly snapped and hit the phone out of my hand. It remained open and the voicemail continued as it hit the carpet a few feet away. Well I'm calling from the hospital because your mother was in a terrible accident on her way over to my house. Spencer froze and slowly turned to stare at the phone a single tear falling from her eye. The doctors are doing their best but the ball really is in your mother's court and she has to fight to live. She's holding on strong but that can change at any moment. I'd advise… Aiden snapped the phone shut and turned the speakerphone off.

I looked sideways at Spencer and moved inches closer to her. She sat unaffected staring at something over my shoulder. Instinctually my hand cupped her cheek to bring her attention to me and her eyes focused on me. "Get changed and I'll take you up there. I won't leave your side Spence, I promise."

She nodded blankly and then sprinted up the stairs and changed in record time. She was wearing simple dark denim jeans and a black tank that matched mine. I was ready to go when she entered the foyer my keys in hand and Aiden at my side. The three mismatched and misunderstood musketeers stood at the ready to fight the challenge at hand; bringing Spencer back in one piece.


	24. Something to Remember

Chapter 22

The car ride was driven in complete and utter silence. I could feel Ashley's eyes meet my profile and search before she glanced back at the road. What could I say? My tears had run dry now I was overflowing with fear and worry. My mother was in a car accident and the man that raped me just appeared back in my life.

I was panicking everything below my surface was shaking and crumbling away. Absolutely everything that put me at ease just had to shatter when I was starting to do so well. I had found someone who truly loved me and was patient enough to muddle through all of my complicated moods and understand me when I couldn't even understand myself.

We arrived and my shaking finally reached the surface. I'm complicated but I can read Ash like a book, she wanted to touch me and console me but she was not sure if it was the right thing to do. It's the thought that counts in the end. Aiden on the other hand seemed to be lost and he had every right to look as pitiful as he did because he truly had no idea what was happening or what had happened.

I stepped out of the car first looking up at the hospital in a parallel fashion to my first day at King High. I look up at it with fear and worry two emotion I force down deep within myself but unlike then I feel a hand in mine lacing our fingers. Ashley was here for me and she was the confidence I needed to force my feet to walk forward. Oh and Aiden followed, our little lost puppy and the last side to this triangle.

Inside, the smell of the hospital infected my nostrils almost burning them. It was a mixture of cleanliness and death with a bit of wasted hope floating around creating a deadly combination. Ashley guided me to the nurses' station and when she noticed I was prepared to say anything she spoke for me.

"Here to see Mrs. Carlin."

The lady behind the desk had her hair pulled into a tight bun perfectly centered on the back of her head and tiny glasses that sat on the tip of her pointy nose. "Are you family? Only family is allowed in at the moment."

Ashley squeezed my hand. "This is her daughter and I'm her…"

She stared cold-eyed straight forward at us. "Only family Ms." Ashley nodded her straight hair swishing around her face.

"Ok." She turns to resume looking at my profile. "I'll just wait here for you Spence."

The panic was rising further, what was I going to do without her. She was my rock my comfort zone in any stressful situation. I was breaking, shattering like the glass I was made of. I face and I know that very instance she can see everything I'm trying to keep silent.

My brain is telling me to open my mouth and beg that cold lady to let Ashley with me but the signal seems to dissipate before it reaches my jaw and vocal chords. I had to almost force the whisper out manually just thrust it out of my throat. "Ashley I need you." She pulled me into a tight hug and I complied throwing my arms around here and holding her as close as humanly possible.

She moved so her face was towards the lady again, her arms continued resting around me safely. "Mrs. I may not be allowed in the room but can I walk her to the door?"

"No, it is not permitted." Her eyes twitched slightly and then glanced back at the computer in front of her.

"You don't understand how bad she needs me by her side." Ashley had stooped low enough to beg and all for my sake.

"I truthfully don't care but I'll make an exception and you can walk her to the door, but my eyes are on you missy." Her eyes squinted for emphasis. "Well it looks that she was moved. Room 315, which is third floor critical care. Elevator is that way." A bony finger pointed us down the hall in front of us.

Her gripped loosened and I shifted my body to walk. I found her hand in mine again. Her fingers laced gently in between mine, they fit together perfectly. For the briefest of seconds I forgot I was in a hospital and I focused on how we truly were made for each other but the elevator ding knocked my peaceful thoughts of kilter bringing me back to reality.

I've never be one to be particularly claustrophobic but the walls in that elevator felt like they had hands around my neck choking me for all their worth. I don't know if I blacked out or just managed to tune it out long enough to reach the third floor but after the ding and the door opening I just remember having Ashley holding me up and guiding me to the nearest chair to gather myself. I had my head in my hands my fingers in my hair and I was hunched over so my elbows met my knees. This I wasn't ready for this was never in the plans and I couldn't handle it. "Ashley I can't do this. I can't see him. I can't lose her."

She knelt beside me and spoke in my ear. "Babe I'm here for you. He won't hurt you and your mother is strong she will make it through this."

The tears started flowing freely, uninhibited. "But what if she doesn't?"

She stood up then soon after pulled me up into her arms holding me close and rocking from side to side only and inkling. "Spencer you can't think like that. You have to have hope."

Struck a nerve. "Hope? What has hope ever done for me?" The words came out sharper than I intended and she pulled back to size up my actions. "I had hoped that my dad would stop hitting me, but that went on for years. I had hope that the rape would finally be erased from my mind but I'm still a train wreck. I'm still afraid for anyone to touch because all that registers is that day." My tangent peaks then my voice softens to just above a whisper. "Ashley you are the only person I have ever let touch me and I am positive that you are the only person that will ever be able to do so."

So now it's all out in the open. Aiden and anyone with hearing distance just heard how big of a sob story I am.

Ashley stood; stunned I'm sure, in front of me. I didn't know if I should hug her and kiss her or just leave it up to her and she didn't seem to know anymore than me. I closed my eyes to prepare my apology but the soft pads of her fingers brushing away any remaining tear caused my eyes to shoot open instantly.

Improvisation always proved to be one of my talents let's see how it fairs in this situation. My jaw unlocked and any second now my apology was going to spill out in a disorderly ordered fashion.

"Spence I want you to listen to me." Her nimble fingers brush back stubborn strands of my hair and I close my jaw and nod. "I'm sorry about everything you have gone through but I am so proud to know you. You are so strong and though everything you have survived has given you singed edges I love you. You see yourself as broken and completely unlovable among other horrid things but I have never seen any of that. All I ever see when I look at you is perfection. You're beautiful, strong, intelligent, and you love me for me. Together we are whole." She kissed my lips and my hands found her waist pulling her into me.

Aiden cleared his throat. "I don't mean to interrupt but we did come here for a reason and well people are staring and I feel awkward just standing here."

My lips reluctantly disengaged themselves from the brunettes and we both chuckled at Aiden. He was right though we were here for a reason. Now we just had to prepare ourselves for war, metaphorically.

I sighed dramatically instantly trying to fight of the panic. You think I had enough of that earlier but Ashley grabbed my hand and squeezed and then we were off down the hall once again with Aiden in tow. Room 315 came quicker than I accepted it and soon we were standing in front of it just staring.

"Spence you want me to go in with you?"

"I'd be lying if I said no." I smiled weakly in her direction. "Aiden you're coming to."

Ashley pushed the door open and I stepped over the threshold first. Hard part over with. To my surprise Paula was the only one in the room. I'm not sure what I expected but I didn't expect her to be alone.

Making sure the room was completely empty I stepped farther in and gave Ashley an apologetic look before I let go of her hand and rushed to my mother's side. She looked at peace, truly, for the first time in years and that scared me.

I touched her hand feeling the skin but avoiding where the IV went in. Awkwardly I held her finger trying to console her or just make sure she really was there. "Spencer?" My head shot up.

And the shaking started back up and in my side vision I saw Ashley move closer to me standing in between me the man who made me the broken heap I am today. Ben approached stepping farther in the room. My sense tingled with fear and all I wanted to do was run.

I managed to gulp back my fear long enough to say something. "Ben." His name tasted disgusting and acidic rolling off my tongue and into the air I certainly didn't plan on uttering it again.

His hair was just the same as back then short and black and sat perfectly on his head. His cologne changed but it still entered the room before he did. "You remember me, wow."

I was at a loss for words. Of course I remembered him but damn have I been trying to forget. I felt Ashley's hand on my shoulder and some of tension eased. "Look Ben whatever your name is. You can leave now the family is here."

His hands rested halfway in his pant pockets and he stared intently but didn't move a muscle when she suggested he leave. "Ms. I came in with Paula and I intend to stay until her condition improves."

"Ok cut the doctor bullshit. Spencer isn't comfortable with you here so I am asking you to leave." She stepped forward but I caught her wrist keeping her safely by my side.

He glared; those already dark eyes darkened more with anger and maybe just a hint of shame. "Ok I'll go. I have to pick a few things up anyways but I will be back to check up on her."

Ashley grit her teeth. "Fine." I love it when she protects me.


	25. Jeez

Chapter 23

I hadn't left my mother's side, not for a single second. The constant beeping lulled us all into a state of tiredness that we slowly gave into. I was the first to go, resting my head right by the hand I never let go of. Ashley had managed to find a way to cuddle into my side and Aiden feel asleep in the extra chair his head resting on the back causing him to snore slightly.

The ache shooting around my back like a pinball machine is what woke me up but the beeping brought me back to reality. We were still here in this hospital room and I was holding on to my mother's hand like my life depended on it.

Soon after Ashley stirred, she caught me staring but I was really in deep thought about what I would do without her. She kissed my cheek earning her a weak but meaningful smile and a loud snore from Aiden. I giggled.

"Lord Jesus has he been doing that the whole time?"

"Well I'm not sure I was asleep but since I woke, yes he has."

"That's annoying." An evil grin pulls at her completely kissable lips. "Let's play some basketball."

"With what? There's nothing in here."

"Right." Her face falls. "I'm just going to make a quick run to the bathroom, don't move."

Like I would. I appreciate her attempts at distracting me even if she isn't doing it on purpose. I know she is restless by now I don't blame her. Aiden snores continue but vary in loudness and timing. The sporadic ness of his snoring soothes me because it doesn't fit into the dull repetition of a hospital. My loving brunette has been gone too long so I rest my hand back down next to my mother's hands. I take a close look at it memorizing the features.

The heavy oak door creaks open but I feel safe in assuming its Ashley which is why I'm shocked to see its Ben. My pulse quickens and the fear rises in me.

Spencer the important thing is not to panic. He can't hurt you anymore he wouldn't dare, at least not here. His brown eyes are burning holes in me and I feel like he could swallow me whole. I want to run I want to scream. I want I want I want but when it comes to him and me it was always about what he wanted.

"Spencer, I'm glad you're here. I wanted a few seconds alone, to talk."

Breathe. In and out. Steady as you go. "Oh" I strangled out.

"Well its clear from earlier actions that you told your friend the same story you told your mother back when you lived in Ohio. I thought we had finally but that behind us Spencer."

Here we go again. "It's not a story are you know it." For a quick second anger trumped fear.

He walks closer standing just on the other side of my mother. "That was a private moment that was never to be shared with anyone."

"It should have never happened. It was wrong and you know it." I'm stiff with fear but I hope he can't see it. He is the only man that has ever touched my skin is such a way.

His hand stretches out tightening the fear in me as I see his hand meet mine. His hand is on top of the hand that holds my mothers. My other rests in a tight fist in my lap.

"I couldn't get in trouble I had to spin the story around on you, but you're older now." He trails off in a suggesting manner and I attempt to convey all the disgust I feel with my eyes. How dare him.

The door creaks open once again and for the first time since he entered everything is silent with the exception of the machines keeping my mother alive. He backs away slowly eyeing me as he does. My savior, protector is here. Ashley can't do much but she calms me.

"Get the fuck out." Her fuse it lit and it's burning quick. Ben stays put standing across from me. "You deaf? I said get the fuck out of here. You aren't wanted and you most definitely are not needed."

"Your antics are tiresome. If I wish to be here then I shall stay."

It was strange what occurred next. It was a dream or a miracle I'm not sure. Staring in front of me waiting to see what would happen I felt my mother squeeze my hand. Just how much had she heard or was it just a coincidence that at this moment she subconsciously squeezed my hand. I tore my eyes away from the pair to look at my mother. She was stirring.

I wanted to hug her and jump up and down like a little kid but I had to compromise and I leaned down and kissed her forehead. She gave what I believe was a small smile and then let go of my hand to sign something. A machine was doing the breathing for her so at this particular moment she couldn't verbally talk. She signed out pen the rest I just guessed.

Her handwriting was squiggly and looked like foreign for if you crossed your eyes and stared for a bit you could clearly read "Ben Get Out." Her blue eyes, that mine matched, glared in his direction so I assumed I was to hand it to him, which I did.

He read it and without a single protest left the room. Leaving I would have liked to say he looked like a puppy with a tale between its legs but he left like he entered, prideful and confident.

After we shared our silent cheers a nurse and then a doctor was brought into to check up on my mother. Their medical babble was quickly giving me a headache so I stepped out to call my brothers. They hadn't been notified so it was all news to them. I promised to explain fully when they got here. I don't know if her waking up was a miracle or just perfect timing. I'm leaning towards miracle.


	26. Breathe

Chapter 24

Since that day in the hospital a lot of things have gotten straightened out. For the first time in a long time I sat down and had a conversation with my mother. We were digging through our past but nonetheless it was a conversation. Paula hasn't seen or spoke to Ben since then and it's been weeks. She's back at home and Glen and Clay and I have been balancing our schedules to help her recover quicker. Despite everything she is making a quick recovery and she hardly needs our help anymore but we make sure one of us is always home just in case we are needed.

Right now Ashley and I are in the living room arguing over the lyrics to our song. Well truthfully she only has a problem with this one line but I think it's perfectly fine. I guess this is my entire fault since I opened up the music bug for her. The past couple of weeks if we weren't at my house or school we were at hers practicing this song together. It's her way of moving on, I think. Paula is under our watch today, so I'm playing guitar and singing trying to get everything perfect and she just arguing over that one line. Ashley can play her drums like nobody's business but for this song I actually got her to agree to rock out on piano.

"Spence, it just doesn't sound right."

"It sounds fine."

"No it doesn't, it sounds off, I'm just not exactly sure why."

"Well when you can figure out how to 'fix' it then let me know." I added in the cute little air quotes just to be funny and I earned myself a laugh.

My guitar at this moment was more or so in my way, so I sat it away from me leaning it against the couch before I pulled her to me and kissed her lips. Our chemistry still burns like a fire and there are sometimes where I just need her, in every way. Things get heated enough that she is soon straddling me and sucking my pulse point.

My senses are heightened but I'm mostly lost in her. We are both aware my mother is in the kitchen making this extravagant dinner and we could care less. She moans as my hips rock up into hers and then we both pause to see if my mother caught on.

"Girls, I don't hear you two rehearsing." Damn it.

"You know mom I could so make an argument with that statement." Ashley just slapped my arm and then moved to the other side of the couch.

She doesn't know it but I planned on us performing this song at the talent show that is coming up. I had asked her about it just once and she flipped out on me so instead of bring it up again I just signed us both up for it. It may be considered a cruel thing to do but it's for the best, I think or well I hope.

Paula already knows about it, she marked it on the calendar and told me that she, along with Glen and Clay, would be there. The only problem is getting Ashley to the auditorium but I'll worry about that in a few weeks.

"Back to what we were doing?"

"Yea we have to fix it."

"Nothing is wrong with it."

"There is."

"Then you sing it." Leaning over slightly I grab my guitar and start strumming. "I'm listening." She's giving me a panicked look and I can read her mind clearly but despite all her protesting she has a beautiful voice. "Come on, sing for me baby. I know you know the words."

The sound of her voice was angelic and I absolutely cherished hearing it. She has heard me sing thousands of times this past month alone but sitting here in my living room having her sing along to my playing it was heaven. I'm not sure what gave her the courage to sing here and now in front of my mother but I'm definitely not complaining.

I'm strumming as she taps her foot counting the beats until she comes in. Her chest rises and falls as she breathes quickly to calm her nerves and then one big inhale before she starts. "I am finding out that maybe I was wrong. That I've fallen down and I can't do this alone. Stay with me, this is what I need, please? Sing us a song and we'll sing it back to you. We could sing our own but what would it be without you?"

She sang with her eyes closed just as she always has. I've always wondered what she picture, if anything, but that's one thing I've found that I can't ask. We're back to where we started, I'm strumming and she's counting her taps. In my peripheral vision I spot my mother in the doorway listening and smiling as if I can't see her. One and two and, deep breath. "I am nothing now and it's been so long. Since I've heard the sound, the sound of my only hope. This time I will be listening. This heart, it beats, beats for only you. This heart, it beats, beats for only you."

Ashley fidgets in her seat and her muscle tense; she knows we're watching her. She must have lost count because she missed her entrance, I hummed the vocal line outline and she caught up. She took a breath and then sang "my heart is yours", her voice cracked on yours and then she stood up and excused herself from the room.

I let her walk, collect her thoughts for a few minutes before I followed and consoled the hell out of her. Paula sent me a worried looked but I just nodded my understanding and walked out after the brunette.

The oak front door hadn't made its thundering slam so I knew that she was still in the house. She was upstairs in my room the closest thing to hers.

"Baby?" I knocked upon entering regardless that it was my room.

"Yea, I'm in here." The reply was weak but I knew she was ok. Baby steps have been our mode of travel lately and she has come a long way.

"You were great baby, really you were. I'm so proud of you." I sat on the bed next to her relaxing a comforting arm around her waist.

She sat silent for a minute. "I'm ok Spence. Just trying to get used to hearing my own voice and singing in front of others."

My lips lifted up into a smile. "You're doing a great job and I think I found out what was wrong."

Ashley perked up and her brown eyes found mine at my admittance of her being right. "You have my attention."

"Now I'm not saying you were right." Both our smiles grew. "But I know how to fix it. We need to add just a few lines and you need to sing instead of me."

"What?" She choked the words out having involuntarily deciding to talk and swallow at the same time.

I leaned into her and kissed her forehead. "We'll talk about it later Ash." My hands cupped her cheeks and my lips found hers. To ease her nerves I eased us into a slow make out session. Her hands caught up before her mind did as they found my back pulling me into her. Want and need coursed through us driving our lips and hands. I love kissing her, the way her lips feel on mine so soft.

"GIRLS DINNER!"

Deep down, somewhere, I love Paula and her bad timing.


	27. Blame the Lime Light

Chapter 25

In this moment I knew that's what we had. The words fit and the pitch was right on. Laying here in bed staring through the darkness at my ceiling I have a feeling of certainty in my chest. I know that if I can get her to sing then we could win this talent show. Winning wasn't the important thing it was getting Ashley to sing in front of people to let them hear what I hear on those rare occasions that she's feeling brave.

This song would ring true and touch people. Ashley's voice was perfect for it. She could distill the pain and the truth then the healing. She had to sing it and she would if it was the last thing I ever did.

I had one day to concoct a plan to get her to the auditorium. I think I was just going to tell her that I was playing and I wanted her backstage for good luck. Sounds like a good enough plan as any.

My cell vibrated on top of my wood bedside table waking me from the light sleep I had fallen into then began singing 'I'm in the business of misery…', the ringtone I had just purchased the other day.

"Hello?" My throat sounded gravel like so I cleared it and tried again. "Hello?"

It was Ashley the caller id told me so. "Hey baby I'm sorry for waking you but I needed to hear your voice and I couldn't sleep."

"No worries you know I love waking up to you." I could hear her smile. "You know I was just dreaming of you."

The smile grew. "Yeah?"

"Always, but it reminded me that I want you to come to the talent show." I was holding my breath.

"Spence I already told you I refuse to be in it." She huffed and moved the phone around on her ear.

"No I know, that's why I entered myself. I want you to watch me."

"Ok, I guess that's ok. I love watching you baby."

Score! Now just getting everything to fall into place for tomorrow. I was lost in my thoughts just trying to predict what she would do to me. Silence sat comfortably between us, but it always seemed to when she was tired.

"Baby?"

"Yea Ash?"

"The talent show, it's tomorrow right?"

Stop reminding me. "Yes."

I hear her yawn, the long kind that just take the last of your energy. "Ok, I'll be there."

She fell asleep I know she did but I stay on the phone for at least another hour just pretending I'm next to her before I fall asleep with her.


	28. My Heart

Chapter 26

Somehow I've found myself at the end of the longest school day of my life. I just have to finish this class and then set my plan in motion. I've been tapping my toes and clicking my pen all day, annoying every person around me all because I'm still not sure how tonight is going to end.

In fact there isn't a specific plan that's going to make my job in the least bit easy. Hell winning the talent show isn't even important I just want the world to see the natural talent Ashley has. Every time she has ever played and sang a song to me it breaks my heart and makes me fall in love all over again. Her voice is an anchor from your heart to hers. It's like she's the sun and were the earth spinning madly on completely attached and lost in what she's feeling.

As far as I can tell she is going to hate me or she is going to thank me.

The bell rings and I'll be honest it scared me. I jumped then nearly fell out of my seat but what worries me more is that I'm sad school is over because now my mission impossible begins.

I walk out the classroom door to be swept along by the river of my peers. They're going about the day without a visible worry and as I finally focus on a face in the crowd it's no surprise that it's hers. We share a smile and I feel a faint tinge to my cheeks so I look down.

Its moments like these that I am without a doubt for sure she will thank me if I manage to crack her stage fright.

She meets me somewhere in the middle and we just stare and smile for a moment. It's a mere second to everyone else and lifetime for me. I fill all the angry kids push pass us and I just can't find it within myself to care.

"Hey." I give an upward nod and my best attempt to be nonchalant.

She smiles then bites her bottom lip before returning my nod. "Hi."

"So it feels like I haven't seen you all day and I've missed you."

"You've been wearing you're thinking face most of the day but I just chalked it up to nerves for tonight." She turns around and we start walking towards her car.

"Yeah, I'm having second and third thoughts."

She stops walking and pulls me back to her. "Hey, you'll be great." She sounded so sincere how could I tell her it wasn't me I was worried about.

"Do me a favor?" I tug her arm as I start walking towards her car again.

"Anything."

I smile. "Play with me?" I see the panic flash through her eyes and her feet misstep a beat. "In my room right now is what I meant to say. Just you and me."

She calms instantly. "Sure. What song?"

"You know the one."

We walk to her car in silence, both lost in thought. She knows I'll want her to sing as long as I promise to play the guitar and because she loves me she will. Only catch is I know we have to get it perfect because it's the song I plan to get her to sing with me tonight.

It's a short drive to my house and we are there in no time. My nerves have spiked again and I know she feels it because we've just had this connection. It's always been there from the very first day even though I was rude to her. I can't help but think about how far we've both come since I first got here in L.A. She turned out to be exactly what I needed to start healing.

"We're here Ms. Carlin." She says as she opens my car door and I smile at her and at my ability to get lost just thinking about her.

"How much do I owe?" I tease knowing she'll pick something I can easily afford.

"A thousand kisses and don't worry we can set up a payment plan."

I opt to kiss her cheek since we're standing in my front yard and she doesn't seem to mind too much.

"Nine hundred and ninety nine and one half left to go." She chuckles then closes my door as we start up towards my house.

My mother has reached pretty much a full recovery so I notice she isn't here once we walk into the living room. If I know her she's probably out buying things to celebrate with once tonight's talent show is over with.

I drop my things in the living room before I pass on into the kitchen. My intention is only to get the necessities so I grab two drinks and as many snacks as my arms can carry. Ashley smiles as I turn around and head right back out and up the stairs.

"Are you packing for the after school crash?" She jokes lightly.

I stop in protest. "We have no time for a nap!" Then continue walking pushing the door open with my toes. "So I've been thinking."

Ashley plops onto my bed and gives a small "hmm" in acknowledgement.

"Our song, I think you need to sing and I'm going to play guitar. It's a beautiful song but it sounds like so much more than just beautiful when you sing. It fits your voice better than mine."

"So long as I never have to sing it outside this room then I won't protest for now."

It was an acceptable answer for now. I won't lie I was hoping if I stood up there and poured my heart out that she'd give in and sing with me. Luck and her love for me was all I had to make this work.

We practiced for about forty minutes until we both insisted that our voices were tired. She didn't make our "rehearsal" easy because she insisted I had to sing harmony because it made her feel better and of course after five minutes of arguing and fifteen seconds of her pouting at me I was singing the harmony.

It seemed like me singing with her eased her fear and in turn eased my nerves of the likelihood of tonight working out in my favor.

It's about ten to seven now. We are both freshly showered and looking nice mainly because I insisted if I have to look nice then she does too. I know she secretly loves wearing scandalous clothes and I'm not going to try and even pretend that I don't like the view. She's dressed pretty tame considering I've seen her closet.

She settled for a black vest and low cut jeans while I went with a black v-neck and jeans. It's a very casual night and our fashion taste is the least of my worries.

"Spence!" She's waving her hand in front of my face.

"Huh?"

"I asked if you were ready to leave."

I stand up too quickly. "Yeah." I lace my fingers with hers and place a chaste kiss to her cheek. "Let's go."

We're halfway downstairs before I remember my guitar then turn and run back up after I've let go of her hand. I put it in its case and shove my favorite guitar pick into my pocket.

She stops me before I pull open the front door and gives me a kiss. The kind where gravity pulls up and sideways and pushes you back down all in the same second, which is just like every kiss she gives me. I pull her close with my free arm and for a second we're just lost.

I pull back regretfully. "I'll give you a thousand more kisses like that if you drive me to the school."

"Sure thing." She smiled as she guided me backwards so she could open the door.

I was so lost in thought and tapping my foot so fiercely that Ashley actually bit my hand to get my attention.

"Ow." I playfully glared at her.

She smirked but didn't say anything. I appreciated the silence and during the last few minutes left until we reached the school I just stared at her profile as she drove and made funny faces when she looked at me.

We arrived and I couldn't help but look up at King High like I had the first day but only this time I saw it through different eyes. It wasn't a prison and I wasn't serving a jail term. This was a high school and I was student among thousands of others who attended. I had my own story to tell and this was just the start.

If there's one thing I'd live by now that really seems to fit my time spent here is: if you want to make a difference then go out and get it. This world will continue on spinning regardless of those of us who are trying our damndest to find an anchor.

"You ready Spence?"

I turn and look to my right. Ashley is standing there just beaming back at me. I feel so home with her next to me and in nothing more than blind faith I know she feels the same.

"Are you ready?" I smirk.

She nods. "You're going to rock the house."

I cut a right and walk off towards the auditorium that sits separate from the school. The lights are on and people are gathered outside chatting and some are walking back and forth to their cars. I had the lady at the door a ten dollar bill and then push the door open for me, my guitar, and Ashley.

To say the auditorium was packed would be an understatement. This was apparently King Highs most esteemed event of the year. There is the umpteenth hitch in my plan but I'm nothing if not an expert at "winging" it.

I navigated us through the crowd, spotting my mother's blond head dead center, and when we reached the back stage we immediately bumped into Aiden. He was in pretty much normal, for a high schooler's standards, clothes. He was wearing a black t-shirt and dark wash jeans. I might have helped dress him or at least insist on this outfit since I called in a huge favor from him.

"You set?" He asked us both.

"Yeah, did they happen to tell us what order we were going in yet?"

He nodded. "There is only ten performers this year. Apparently they went and set some ground rules down. You'll perform third. I think they're going in alphabetical order."

Ashley laughed.

"Thanks for all that, Aid." I patted him on the back.

They both let me pace back and forth backstage while the first two acts performed. There was a girl that did a horribly boring ballet routine and that is me attempting to be nice about it. The second act was some weird jazz performance meets acrobatics. It was interesting to say the least.

The student director of the drama club is who approached me to tell me I was up. I nodded innocently, to an outsider, to Aiden and grabbed my guitar out of its case. I kissed Ashley's cheek and then strolled out to the center of the stage where a stool was.

At the last minute I had to tell them I need two mic stands and two mics.

I have never been the nervous type probably because for a while there I had serious issues that made me act like a bitch and take it out on everyone around me. But here we are and I was nervous. The first mistake made was making eye contact with people in the audience.

I cleared my throat and sat down on the stool making a show of getting situated.

"I'm Spencer Carlin." I stared instantly deciding that winging this was not a good idea. "I co-wrote this song with someone who means the world to me. She found me when I thought I was lost forever. Hell, she found me when I didn't even know I was lost."

I cleared my throat again. "My point is that this performance wouldn't be what you deserve or what you paid to see without her." I looked to the side of the stage making eye contact with Ashley for the first time since I stepped out into the light.

"I know that most of you aren't really paying attention to what I'm saying but that's okay I don't you need to listen because I'm talking to her."

I gave her a soft smile. "Please sing this with me."

She didn't move. I dropped my eyes and looked back at the audience. "Before now she has never sang in public or anyone other than me for that matter but she has such an amazing talent that I know if you give her the chance you'll walked away changed."

I looked back at her and she still hadn't moved. She was panic stricken at the mere thought.

Aiden appeared behind her and I simply nodded at him. He gave her a firm push in my direction and for a few steps she complied. When she couldn't willing walk any further I stood up from my stool and walked over to her, grabbing her hand and pulling her behind me to the center.

She stopped behind me and tugged my hand. I looked back at her and she whispered "I hate you for this."

"I expected that but when you see their faces you'll be thanking me. Just bare with me. Pretend like it's me and you in my room. Just like this afternoon."

Ashley nodded.

I gave her a slight shove closer to the mic and then slowly started picking the intro on the guitar. She lightly tapped her foot counting the beats like she just naturally did when I started strumming she counted a few more then started to sing.

"_I am finding out that maybe I was wrong  
>That I've fallen down and I can't do this alone<em>

_Stay with me, this is what I need, please?"  
><em>

She made eye contact with me as she sing and then looked down at her feet before braving a glance at the audience. From my point of view they were mesmerized. I stood up as and walked back to the curtain behind me and quickly switched guitars as she paused like I instructed earlier.

_"Sing us a song and we'll sing it back to you  
>We could sing our own but what would it be without you?"<em>

As she started to sing again I was playing an electric and a soft drum beat started to back us up. She was eyeing me as she continued singing, giving me that "Wtf" raised eyebrow look.__

_"I am nothing now and it's been so long  
>Since I've heard the sound, the sound of my only hope<em>

_This time I will be listening._

_Sing us a song and we'll sing it back to you  
>We could sing our own but what would it be without you?"<br>_

There was another pause. Then the curtain behind me pulled open. Aiden was on the drums and a few of his buddies backed us up with a bass guitar and another electric.

_"This heart, it beats, beats for only you  
>This heart, it beats, beats for only you<em>

_This heart, it beats, beats for only you  
>My heart is yours<em>

_This heart, it beats, beats for only you  
>My heart is yours<br>(My heart, it beats for you)"_

From here on out I sang along with her just as we practiced. To be honest there was a thing in the world that could have kept the smile off my face

_"This heart, it beats, beats for only you (It beats, beats for only you)  
>My heart is yours (My heart is yours)<em>

_This heart, it beats, beats for only you (Please don't go now, please don't fade away)  
>My heart, my heart is yours (Please don't go now, please don't fade away)"<em>

She was comfortable by now and it was shame the song was coming to an end. She was singing to me or that audience with everything she had in her. I knew that given the chance she could be just as at home on the stage in front of people as could be when we were together.__

_"(Please don't go now, please don't fade away) My heart is yours  
>(Please don't go now, please don't fade away) My heart is yours<br>(Please don't go, please don't fade away)  
>(Please don't go now, please don't fade away) My heart is..."<em>

As I finished out the song with a small electric solo and Aiden backing me on drums the crowd was already standing and clapping. The last seconds of my note resonated and then with perfect timing Aiden and I stopped all noise.

Ashley was frozen to the spot.

I walked over to her, the guitar still strapped around me.

Safely away from the mic I started talking. "It's only because I love you that I orchestrated this."

She turned and looked at me, hesitating for a moment as what to say. "It's only because I love you that I sang." She nodded mindlessly for a second then took one last glance at the audience before half bowing and then exiting the stage.

I followed after her and the tech crew cleared the stage of our instruments.

When we were safely hidden behind the curtains she turned around and looked up at me. "Thank you."

Naturally, I offered her a half smile half smirk.

"But this just means unlimited kisses whenever I want them FOR EVER."

"Okay." I chuckled. "I think I can handle that."

Fin


End file.
